


warm me up in a nova's glow

by hoodedmiho (missMHO)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars (Marvel Comics), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Recovery, Rogue One Alternate Universe – Everybody Lives, Slow Burn, TIE fighter pilot!Poe, background Luke Skywalker/Bodhi Rook, we ignore TLJ canon like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:13:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missMHO/pseuds/hoodedmiho
Summary: Finn tries to find his place among the Resistance with Poe's help. He doesn't expect he'll have to do the same for Poe soon afterwards.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 88
Kudos: 153





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic would never be a thing if not for [**this amazing fanart**](https://twitter.com/clakearts/status/1218901777837244416?s=20)! I know that the artist had a kind of different AU in mind but I couldn’t stop thinking about Poe-being-a-TIE-fighter-pilot-but-make-it-angstier after seeing it and I had to write it down. Enjoy?
> 
> Title from “Castle Of Glass” by Linkin Park.
> 
> Special thanks for [ofermod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofermod/pseuds/ofermod), [kas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kas_delafere/), and [thekasialin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekasialin) who took a look at this to check whether it's not a total disaster <3 I'm not a native English speaker so I apologize for any mistakes!

**_Now_ **

****

It’s hard to call the battle a victory but the First Order was chased away and the Resistance didn’t suffer as many losses as it could. Finn never before heard of the planet they’ve fought for, but he has come to trust General Organa’s decisions. If she answered this cry for Resistance’s help, then it must have been worthy of their aid.

He really wishes Poe was here so they could celebrate together. The thought hurts a lot more than it should.

They’ve barely arrived back at the base when one of the officers Finn has seen around the strategy room approaches him. Finn is to follow her, at the command of the General. Finn lets himself anticipate news about Poe for a second before quenching that hope and rationalizing that they probably need his First Order knowledge for something they came across during the battle.

Finn is surprised when they don’t seem to be going to the strategy room but underground. He realizes he’s never been in this part of the base as they’re descending the stairs. Even though this is his first time stepping into these corridors, he’s quick to recognize a prison. All of the cells they’re passing by are empty, the recent engagements with the First Order weren’t really the kind that would produce many captives. But the officer Finn is following is clearly heading to the end of the corridor and Finn is becoming more and more anxious with every step. Who did they capture? Why was Finn immediately summoned?

The officer finally stops in front of a door and opens them before gesturing for Finn to enter. So he won’t be getting any explanation beforehand. Well then. Finn takes a deep breath and walks in.

The first thing he notices are the orange flight suits of three people who are already inside but before he looks close enough to identify them, he’s distracted by the room itself. He swiftly realizes he’s in the observation part of an interrogation room with a one-way mirror taking most of the wall opposite the door. Then he looks at the person who’s being interrogated and everything else around him seems unimportant, his vision focuses on that one spot only. He stops breathing for a moment, feeling as if he just got punched in the chest.

Poe is there, sitting opposite Leia across a bare table. But Finn’s brain is also screaming at him that it _can’t_ be Poe. He’s bound to a chair and wearing the black uniform of a TIE fighter pilot. The First Order symbol just looks _wrong_ on him but somehow it’s not purely a matter of appearance. His beautiful curls were shortened into a standard buzz cut but it’s also not really what’s not right about him. It doesn’t feel like Poe’s just wearing an undercover costume, his whole demeanour is just different. A nasty smirk is set into his lips and it looks so _alien_ on Poe’s face. Finn has managed to witness a whole array of Poe’s moods, he’s seen the pilot be playful, angry, relaxed, agitated, tender… But never like this.

“General Organa,” Poe speaks and Finn’s breath hitches at the sound of his voice. He was afraid he’d never hear it again but _this_? This is not what he imagined hearing it anew would be like. “What an honour for a lowly pilot like me to be captured like this. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Poe grins but it’s nothing like the beaming smiles Finn remembers. It’s cruel and with too much teeth.

Finn’s vision swims.

Not Poe. _Not him_.

жжж

****

**_Before_ **

****

Finn wakes up alone and disoriented. His back hurts in a way he doesn’t remember ever experiencing before. He clenches his teeth and takes a few careful deep breaths.

Don’t show weakness. First assess where you are and if you’re alone before you allow yourself a moment of panic.

He needs to wait a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the light before he can manage to keep them open long enough to take in his surroundings. He’s in a room he’s never seen before. This can’t be First Order though, there’s wrong… _ambience_ about it. Where could he be if it’s not–?

The memories hit him abruptly. For a moment they’re just a jumble of emotions and faces. The massacre of the village on Jakku, the escape with Poe Dameron, the white-and-orange droid in the desert town…

_Rey!_

Did she survive? The last thing he can recall is the fight with Kylo Ren. What happened after he passed out?

Finn tries to sit up but the moment he attempts the movement, pain strikes up his spine and he relaxes his muscles back to a stationary horizontal position on the bed.

A medical droid he’s never seen before enters the room before he comes up with another plan on how to contact someone.

“You shouldn’t be awake yet,” the droid says.

“Please tell me, is Rey alright? Is she here, too?” He won’t ask if she’s _alive_. She must be.

The droid doesn’t answer Finn’s questions and instead approaches him with something cylindrical in its hand. Finn watches it administer some liquid into one of the tubes attached to him and before he can speak again with any more queries, he drifts back to sleep.

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

****

He doesn’t really remember how he got out of the interrogation room but his distress must have somehow brought the attention of the pilots that were there with him because the next thing he realizes is that he’s back in the prison corridor and Jessika Pava is squeezing his shoulder.

“Finn, are you with me?” Jess asks. She sounds tired but not unkind. Her familiar voice is grounding.

“What happened?” Finn manages to ask out loud even though he feels like he’s in one of Kylo Ren’s invisible grips, his throat tight with anguish.

Jess sighs and lets go of Finn. Then she leans against the nearest wall and slides against it to sit down on the ground. Finn follows her and it takes her a moment to speak even after they’re seated shoulder to shoulder.

“During the battle, we noticed one of the TIE fighters flying in a way we’ve never seen before. He took out two of Blue Squadron before we even realized…” Jess pauses, takes a deep shaky breath. “We knew that flying style. You can’t just replicate it, he _is_ one of the best pilots in the galaxy. We didn’t want to believe it, but Poe was gone for weeks…” She makes another pause. She’s not looking at Finn but staring at her own hands picking at a seam in her flight suit. “Snap, Karé, and me, we ganged up on that one TIE fighter. We made it fly closer to the planet surface and attacked, we made him catapult. I don’t think we’d manage that if we didn’t know his flying as well as we do. The way he is now… He didn’t take into account the possibility that we have the advantage of personally knowing him.”

Jess shakes her head in disbelief but doesn’t say anything more. Finn doesn’t know how to respond, all of the information he was just given feeling almost intrusive in his own head.

He doesn’t want to accept all this as facts. If he does, it will make it all real.

And this? This can’t be real.

“I’m so happy that he’s alive but seeing him like this–” he starts but he can’t really find the words for the bundle of emotions coiling in his chest.

“I know, Finn, I know,” Jess says dejectedly.

The door next to them opens as Leia exits the interrogation room and a second later they’re also joined by Snap and Karé who must have been the remaining pilots Finn has seen earlier in the observation room. Finn and Jess jump to their feet and they all gather around the General.

“It seems that his memory was completely wiped,” Leia is not beating around the bush. “He doesn’t remember anything beside the last weeks of his service as the TIE fighter pilot.”

Finn can see the despair set into the lines of Leia’s face. He knows Poe was more than just a pilot to her, they were closer than just a superior officer and a subordinate.

“We’re _not giving up_ on him,” Leia says with determination, holding her gaze for a moment with all of them one after another. “We won’t let them take Poe from us.”

Finn really wants to believe her words, share the same faith, but he knows what First Order is capable of better than anyone.

Leia must see some of his thoughts on his face because she focuses on him while speaking her next words.

“This is not something we came across before, it’s not a standard First Order procedure. If there’s any flaw in the process, we’ll find it and exploit it. We’re kind of experts at that.”

Despite everything, Finn feels a small smile spread on his lips. She’s right. They’re the Resistance, impossible is what they do.

“I’m not giving up on him,” he says, holding her gaze. He’s still not okay, he won’t be until they _really_ get Poe back. But he’s not hopeless anymore.

жжж

****

**_Before_ **

****

Next time Finn wakes up, the medical droid that has knocked him out before is already there but this time it is joined by a human representative of the hospital staff. Doctor Basch, as she introduces herself, informs Finn that he will be moved out of intensive care so that the bacta equipment can be used by other patients who may need it.

Even though the pain in his back is no longer so overwhelming, Finn still needs help walking around. Doctor Basch tells him he will need to stay under their observation for some time and that rehabilitation for his impaired mobility will start the day after tomorrow.

Finn tries to focus on the fact that there’s a determined plan for his foreseeable future whenever his mind flashes back to Kylo Ren slicing his back. He survived and he’s alive for now. He needs to get back on his feet and repay the Resistance for all of the care he has been given.

He asks about Rey once more when Doctor Basch helps him move to his new room but as before, he doesn’t learn anything

He’s all on his own again. No Poe, no Rey, no Han, not even BB-8 to beep at him angrily.

Unlike the previous room he recuperated in, this one is designed for more than one patient. There are four beds in total but only one is taken when Finn joins.

“Hi roommate, I’m Blake,” says the man sitting on that one taken bed when Finn is being helped onto his own.

“Hello, I’m Finn,” he smiles at Blake openly and the other patient returns it. There are visible laugh lines around his eyes and mouth so Finn feels instantly relieved he’s sharing the space with someone cheerful. Blake is older than him, with visible greying in his dark red hair, but there’s nothing judgemental about him and it puts Finn at ease. He’s still not sure whether he belongs here but it’s not that he has much choice, he can’t leave when he can barely walk from room to room without assistance.

Doctor Basch double checks if Finn is comfortable and then informs him that she’ll be back in a couple of hours to put a fresh layer of salve on his wounds.

“I pilot the infantry transporter,” Blake accosts once they’re alone. “I messed up my leg on Takodana and I’ve been rotting here alone for ages, or what seems like ages,” he laughs, nodding at the cast on his left leg.

Finn opens his mouth to reply but he realizes he doesn’t really know what to say. Blake talked about his position in the Resistance. Finn doesn’t really know what he is now.

“I’ve just joined,” he blurts out finally, suddenly much less comfortable in Blake’s company. “I don’t have any assignment yet. I’ve helped with the Starkiller a bit but as you can see I am pretty useless at the moment,” he gestures at himself to indicate how he couldn’t even get to the bed without help.

“That’s cool,” Blake shrugs. “I’m glad you decided to join us then!”

They fall into comfortable silence and after some time Blake busies himself with a datapad. Finn doesn’t have anything to kill time with, or rather, he doesn’t have anything _period._ Even the clothes he’s wearing belong to the hospital.

He’s alone with his thoughts again. They’re not really happy thoughts. He honestly doesn’t know what to do once Doctor Basch deems him fit to leave the hospital. Helping Rey with finishing Poe’s mission and then with blowing up the Finalizer felt good, even if he was quite reluctant at first. He would gladly continue with doing things like this now that he had a breather and could analyze what his life has become since escaping First Order. But what they did with Rey wasn’t really sanctioned by anyone and then he literally lied to get to the Finalizer for his own reasons. Would the Resistance really want him here, an ex-Stormtrooper who so far has acted quite selfishly? They healed him so maybe they won’t throw him out?

Maybe if Poe vouched for him… But would he? Beforehand the pilot was happy to see Finn alive but it could have been joy that was more about Finn finishing Poe’s mission and getting his droid back to him than about anything else. Finn felt an instant connection to Poe already back on the Finalizer and he hoped that maybe it went both ways after that hug but it was probably just him. It’s not that Finn knows how friendships actually work. He must have been wrong and it was all just him projecting the exhilaration about escaping onto things happening at the same time.

Finn sighs miserably. He suddenly misses being in a medically induced coma.

When he first hears a familiar beeping of a particular white-and-orange droid, he thinks it must be his mind playing tricks on him. But then the sound gets louder and clearer and when Finn sits up straighter on his bed, he sees BB-8 rolling into the room.

He feels himself smile and then his mouth spreading into a full grin when he notices the droid’s owner jogging after him.

“It’s so good to see you awake, buddy!” Poe says before he even reaches Finn’s bed. He’s beaming, his face full of honest joy.

“Poe,” Finn wants to say more but he finds his throat clenched with emotions he can’t really name. He thought he was all alone again but Poe came to see him! “And BeeBee,” he grins down at the droid when he hears a series of beeps that sound a bit offended.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Poe apologizes, taking a seat at the end of Finn’s bed. “I wanted to be here when you wake up from the bacta bath so you have a familiar face around but I was sent off planet.”

“It’s okay,” Finn replies even though he wasn’t really okay a couple minutes ago. But now, knowing that Poe wanted to be there for him, that _Poe wants his company_ in general, it works better on him than that salve Doctor Basch is putting on his back. “I was asleep for most of that time.”

“I know, I visited when I could before I was sent on the mission,” Poe says and then adds hurriedly as if embarrassed: “I promised Rey I’d take care of you.”

Finn gasps hearing her name, almost jumping on his bed as if to get up, as if he could get to her now, and winces a bit when he feels the recovering skin on his back protesting at the sudden movement.

“Rey? She’s okay? I’ve been asking after her but no one was telling me anything.”

Poe puts his hand on Finn’s calf, since this is as far as he can reach from his seat on the bed, but Finn is grateful for the grounding touch nonetheless.

“Rey is okay, she fought with Ren and saved you,” Poe says with wonder. “She wanted to stay until you woke up but her mission is too important to delay.”

So she’s with the Resistance, she didn’t return to Jakku. There’s a chance that they’ll meet again.

“Where did she go?” he asks hoping Poe will be able to tell him, that it’s not going to be too secret for an ex-Stormtrooper. But the pilot has no reservations like that and replies without hesitation.

“The mission that got me caught, the one you and Rey finished? It gave us the result we hoped for. Rey went to find Luke Skywalker.”

Finn’s mouth open in wonder.

“I knew she was special,” he says and Poe nods at the words.

“Leia puts a lot of faith in her.”

So Rey found her place among the Resistance. It suddenly reminds Finn of his own lack of it and his mood sours. It must show on his face because Poe’s gentle smile turns into a frown. Finn must learn to control his expressions more, he’s no longer permanently wearing a helmet.

“What’s wrong?” Poe asks, concern clear in his voice and Finn feels bad for making the pilot worry about him.

“It’s just that…” Finn stares down at his own hands, embarrassed to admit to his anxieties. But it’s Poe. He wants to be honest with Poe. “I was wondering what my place here is. If I even have a place in the Resistance. If you want me here considering…”

Poe interrupts him with another touch to Finn’s calf.

“Finn, look at me.”

He hesitates for a moment. He really likes looking at Poe but he’s not sure he’s ready to see what will be written on his face now. Pity? Contempt at an ex-Stormtrooper wanting a place in the Resistance?

But of course when Finn does look up, he sees something that he can only call sad affection in the brown eyes of the pilot.

“You have a place here as long as you want it,” Poe’s words are determined. “You saved my life, Finn. We wouldn’t have taken out the Finalizer if it wasn’t for you. You’re a hero.”

Finn scoffs at that last sentence but Poe just squeezes his calf and continues.

“For the time being, just focus on getting better, okay? And then, if you want, we’ll find you an assignment where you’ll feel comfortable.”

It feels as if a heavy weight was taken off of Finn’s chest and he feels so grateful that he would probably jump Poe for a hug if his back allowed such sudden movements.

“Thank you,” he says instead, looking into Poe’s eyes, knowing it won’t ever express what he feels but he must do with what he has.

For a moment there’s a tension between them that Finn can’t really describe but it’s interrupted with a string of beeps coming from BB-8.

“Oh kriff, yeah, I gotta go debrief,” Poe gets up, nervously brushing a hand through his curls.

“You came here to see me _before_ going to debrief after a mission?” Finn asks, incredulous.

Poe just winks at him and then rushes out of the room, BB-8 following closely behind.

Finn laughs, even though the pilot is already out of the room.

“ _Pretty useless_?” Blake suddenly says and Finn realizes he’s quoting him from before when they talked for the first time. “Sorry, I didn’t want to eavesdrop but well, there’s no privacy in these rooms,” he chuckles. “So you’re the ‘trooper that helped break out Dameron?”

Finn nods, not trusting his voice while feeling so nervous that Blake will stop being as friendly as he was so far after learning the truth about his past.

“Thank you for that,” Blake says kindly. “I can’t imagine what losing Dameron to the First Order would do to the fleet. Kriff, to the whole Resistance.”

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

****

Poe is still wearing the black uniform with the white First Order symbol stark against its surface.

Finn is once again in the observation room but this time he’s alone. There’s only Poe on the other side of the mirror. Finn tries to make himself accept the sight in front of him. His brain still seems unable to gather around the thought that Poe is not _his_ Poe anymore. That now he’s a TIE-fighter pilot that most probably wants to kill him.

He tries to trick his own brain into separating these Poes in his head. He once more takes in the pilot’s short hair and the permanent frown. Somehow, only now he notices that there’s a scar on Poe’s face that wasn’t there before First Order got their hands on him. It starts just above his right eyebrow, continues down across his cheek and finishes at the corner of the mouth. Finn must have been too overwhelmed the first time he saw this Poe to really register it.

He suddenly has to look away and sit down.

Not long after he gets his breathing under control, Leia enters the observation room. Finn is not surprised, he’s here because she asked him to come.

She takes a long look at Poe and lets out a deep sigh. Only then, she turns to Finn.

“I need to ask you to do something that you may not be comfortable with,” she tells him tiredly, taking a seat in the chair next to his. “I need you to talk to him.”

Finn somehow expected that but he realizes he wasn’t ready to hear it nonetheless.

“We need to try to jog his memory. We need people whom he cared about to try and reach our Poe. He’s still in there, I know it.”

Finn doesn’t feel up for it, but will he ever?

It’s difficult because of how important Poe is to him and this is exactly the reason why he must do it.

Somehow, this seems harder than barging back into the Finalizer to rescue Rey.

“Okay,” Finn says eventually, his voice sounding raw. Leia smiles at him sadly with an approving nod.

“Are you ready to start today? Wexley and Pava asked to sleep on it.”

He’s not and Leia is giving him an opening to delay. But the earlier they start, the faster they’ll get Poe back. Because they _will_ get him back.

Finn slaps his knees and gets up abruptly, as if he was getting ready to race and not to have a talk with his brainwashed friend.

“May the Force be with you,” Leia wishes after him when he walks out and approaches the guard next to the door to the interrogation room.

“Shout if you need help, knock three times when you want to get out,” the guard instructs him and Finn nods to show that he understands.

Poe instantly bores his gaze into Finn when he enters and follows his every move as he takes a seat across an empty table between them.

“And who are you?” Poe scuffs. “Another scum _hero_ that’s supposed to _inspire me_ to change sides?”

Finn has to take a deep breath before he responds.

“I used to be Stormtrooper,” he says, finally. “I used to be FN-2187.”

He doesn’t say that he has a name now. He’s not sure why… Maybe he just doesn’t want to hear it coming from these snarling lips.

Poe stares him down, assessingly.

“Well, what a pleasure to be talking to a traitor and a failure,” he spats and Finn knows it’s not his Poe saying this but it still stings.

“I broke through the programming and escaped the First Order,” Finn continues, trying to swallow the scream that’s been building up in his throat since he first saw Poe like this and it’s now even closer to the surface. “ _You_ helped me escape. I broke you from your cell, where you were interrogated because you were the _furthest_ thing from a First Order follower, and you flew a stolen TIE fighter to get us out. It was the first time you piloted one.”

“What a touching story–” Poe comments mockingly but Finn doesn’t let him finish.

“You helped me escape the First Order then and now I promise I’ll help _you_.”

Poe snorts and leans back in his chair nonchalantly. It’s then that Finn notices that Poe’s eyes keep coming back to one specific thing, as if he couldn’t stop himself from analysing it.

Finn’s jacket. Or rather _their_ jacket.

His Poe is still somewhere in there, buried under the First Order brainwashing. And Finn is not giving up.

“You like it?” Finn asks, tugging on the collar to indicate he means the jacket. Poe looks up a little bit guiltily and angry at himself for being caught staring. “It used to be yours. You gave it to me after we escaped the Finalizer,” Finn simplifies the story to the basics to keep the focus on the piece of clothing itself.

“Did my hero-of-the-resistance self give it to you already looking like garbage or are you just talking such great care of it?”

Finn loves Poe’s wit but now it turns his words into piercing weapons.

He also knows that once Poe gets his memory back, these words he’s now speaking will hurt him more than they are now hurting Finn.

“It was sliced by Kylo Ren before we kicked his ass,” Finn keeps the topic on the jacket, since Poe still keeps staring at it, his eyes leering at the crooked stitches on the shoulder. The stitches he made himself.

Before, Finn kept telling himself they will get Poe back, that he’s still in there under the First Order brainwashing, so that he wouldn’t completely shut down. But now he really believes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all feedback, comments are a writer's fuel <3 I haven't published anything in more than a year and this is my first Star Wars fic so I am quite nervous about this :')
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hoodedmiho) and [tumblr](http://missmho.tumblr.com/) if you want to scream about beautiful space boys together :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos you left on the first chapter! I appreciate all of them dearly <3 
> 
> Once again special thanks to [ofermod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofermod/pseuds/ofermod), [kas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kas_delafere/), and [thekasialin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekasialin) who beta'd this chapter <3

**_Before_ **

Following Poe’s visit, it gets a little easier for Finn to imagine staying in the Resistance after he’s cleared medically. He knows he has skills that can be of use here, he was one of the best cadets, always with top scores. He only failed when they asked him to kill unarmed, defenceless beings.

Would it be different here? He hesitated when ordered to shoot at civilians, it was the reason why he had to escape and abandon being a stormtrooper. But it wasn’t that real combat in general was his weakness. When the First Order attacked on Takodana, Finn fought without hesitation. He stood up to FN-2199 with no reservations. He shot at other stormtroopers with unerring aim and then cheered when the Resistance X-wings started shooting down TIE fighters.

Finn recalls that fight and suddenly realizes it didn’t hurt that much when FN-2199 called him a “traitor”, not in a way it did when he was named an “outsider” when they were both stationed together. He doesn’t really mind being a traitor to the First Order, he doesn’t want to be part of them anymore. He didn’t spend that much time with Rey but with her, he didn’t feel out of place. Being by her side felt _right_. Finn feels something similar about his place in the Resistance now that he knows Poe’s with him. As long as there are people he cares about and who care about him, he knows he won’t feel like an outsider anymore.

“Do you mind if I call my kids?” Blake asks, his voice abruptly pulling Finn out of his thoughts. “I’ve been taking advantage of the medical leave to keep in touch more regularly. They stayed on my home planet with my husband when I joined,” he explains, the longing after his family clear in his demeanor. “I’ve been telling them a bedtime story every night since being grounded here.”

“No problem at all, go on.”

Finn has never had anyone tell him a bedtime story, he’s not going to stay in the way of that for any other kid. Besides, it must be evening on Blake’s home planet but for them it’s only afternoon, it’s not like hearing the other man talk to his kids will disturb Finn in any way.

Despite having no intention to, Finn starts paying attention to Blake’s story. It’s a nice alternative to listen to a fictional story instead of being alone with your own thoughts for hours on end.

The main character is a princess of a small planet. She loves animals and she spends lots of time in the royal stables. She falls in love with a stable boy who takes care of her fathiers. The princess and the stable boy never act on their feelings but they spend as much time together as possible, running around the forests surrounding the castle. Then one day, the king informs the princess that she is to marry a prince of a planet that wants to make an alliance with their family. The princess is devastated but she knows her duty.

“Then the prince arrives for the wedding. And the moment she sets her eyes on him, she can _feel_ his evil intent. She knows that nothing good will come out of their union!”

“It’s the Force, isn’t it, dad? She has the Force!” one of the daughters interrupts Blake and before he can respond, the son chimes in:

“Shh! I want to know what happens next! Be quiet!”

Blake chuckles and Finn feels himself smile as well. He must admit he’s curious how it will all end. He was _really_ bored before Blake called his family.

Instead of responding to the siblings’ banter, Blake simply continues with the story. He speaks with horror how the king doesn’t acknowledge the princess’ warnings about the evil prince. The wedding day comes and the princess knows she must not marry that man, no matter what. But what can she do? Already in her beautiful dress, she decides on a desperate act. She distracts her maid with a silly request and she runs. She takes one of the fathiers and rides into the woods. To her horror, she barely enters the forest when she sees the evil prince. He’s waiting for her! She was right! There is something sinister about him that none of them really understand.

“ _If you won’t be mine, then no one can have you or your kingdom!_ ” Blake modulates his voice to sound really chilling whenever the prince’s lines come. Finn sits up straighter in his bed. What will the princess do now?

There’s a light coming from the evil prince that the princess barely has time to notice before she falls from her fathier to the ground. She is found by the guards that were sent after her when she ran. She doesn’t wake up.

The kingdom falls into despair. Months pass and the princess is still deep in slumber, her parents grieving.

“The stable boy must kiss her!” the daughter interrupts again. “True love’s kiss always wins with the evil magic!”

Finn has never heard of such a thing before but he has never heard a bedtime story before either and Blake’s daughter seems pretty convinced.

“Seems like you want to tell the ending of the story yourself,” Blake teases and the girl is quick to deny and encourage her dad to continue.

A year passes before the king and queen are desperate enough to hear a stable boy’s proposition. So far no doctor and no scientist could wake their daughter. How could a simple servant help?

The stable boy tells the king and queen of his love for the princess and of their adventures in the royal forests. Of love that never had a chance to flourish because of the chasm between their social statuses. The king promises that if the stable boy's love can help awake their daughter, they will be allowed to marry.

The stable boy kisses the princess on the lips and she opens her eyes for the first time in a year. The true love’s kiss was more powerful than the evil prince’s magic.

The kids demand another story but Blake skillfully declines and tells them to go to sleep.

Finn is left with his thoughts once again. He’s never heard such a story before. One so full of nice feelings and with a happy ending. It made sense he first experienced something like this while in the Resistance. They are built on hope for rightful endings and on good winning over evil no matter what, aren’t they?

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

Leia starts her next meeting with Poe by showing him a holo of his Squadron back when he was still in the New Republic Defense Fleet. Finn is once again in the observation room. Seeing the holo makes him realize that he doesn’t really have anything like this to remember Poe and Rey by when they’re not with him.

“These can be fabricated,” Poe says sounding almost bored.

“I still want you to look at it.”

Poe makes a show of staring right into the General’s eyes.

“Think about it,” Leia says holding that gaze, her voice steady and solemn and Finn is once again in awe of her. He knows how big of a toll this whole situation is taking on all of them but she’s being so strong with not only her own grief over the situation but everyone else looking to her for guidance. “You’re not stupid, that couldn’t have changed even after the First Order had their way with you. Why can’t you remember anything except for the last few weeks?”

“I must have failed and was sent to reconditioning,” Poe shrugs. “Standard procedure.”

Leia raises one eyebrow. “Standard procedure to wipe a pilot’s _entire_ memory? You’re not a stormtrooper, TIE-fighter pilots are not expendable. What if they removed your grasp of protocols, what if you forgot how to fly?”

Finn can see Poe is grinding his teeth in frustration because he doesn’t have a good answer to that.

“Think about it, Poe,” Leia repeats and Poe suddenly thrashes in his chair and bangs his cuffed hands on the table.

“That is not my name! I’ve already told you that!” he rages out but swiftly after the outburst he takes a deep breath and puts on that nonchalant mocking mask he’s been wearing through most of the conversations so far. “How _incompetent_ are you all here that you won’t even remember a thing as simple as a name.”

“You’re awfully temperamental for someone freshly reconditioned, _Lieutenant,_ ” Leia humours Poe with the use of his First Order rank but still refuses to call him the name that the enemy has given him. “I don’t imagine this kind of behaviour would be acceptable for a cadet, let alone someone of your rank.”

Poe leans in closer to the General, managing to pull off intimidating despite his bound hands. “Discipline comes from respect and I have none of it for you, scum,” his voice is vicious but Leia doesn’t even budge and holds his gaze.

If Poe remembers these conversations once they get him back, he’ll hate himself for all of this. Finn has managed to gather that Poe has issues with authority in the time they had before all of this mess, but Leia was always in another category entirely. His respect for the General came from a much deeper bond than just military ranks. His Poe would be horrified by all this.

жжж

**_Before_ **

****

“I have brought you a datapad so that you can have something to kill time here,” Poe hands him the device when he visits next time, once again taking a seat at the end of Finn’s bed. “Sorry I didn’t think of it sooner, you must be bored out of your mind.”

“Thanks,” Finn is honestly grateful to have _anything_ to keep himself occupied. “We didn’t really get time off,” he confesses, knowing that Poe will understand without adding that by _we_ he means _stormtroopers._ They had down shifts but it was expected you will continue self-study at that time and as cadets they didn’t dare do anything else. “It’s weird to be without anything keeping me busy.”

“There are plenty of books and holomovies on this, I think you’ll find something for yourself.”

Finn would prefer to talk with, or even just look at Poe rather than anything else stored on that datapad but he knows that the pilot has his own duties he must tend to. Finn is also pretty sure that’s just him who’s so enthusiastic to spend time together. He should probably examine it more closely if there’s something weird happening with him because he doesn’t remember ever craving anyone’s company this much. Whenever Poe visits, Finn feels like a plant with restricted access to light that’s soaking up the sun whenever it can.

“Last time you said you want to stay after you’re out of the hospital,” Poe says and Finn notices he’s drumming his fingers on his knee. Is he nervous for some reason? He just must have a lot on his mind. “So I took a look at some accommodations, this base isn’t that big so most of us have shared quarters. But I thought that since you don’t really know that many people here you may want a familiar face and I, well, applied for you to be my roommate.”

Finn just blinks a few times at first and Poe’s fingers stops drumming and instead he raises his hand to the back of his neck and scratches at it anxiously.

“Of course if that’s not what you want we can still change it, I didn’t mean to over–”

“No, don’t!” Finn interrupts him before Poe can get too much into his retreat. “That was so thoughtful of you, it would be amazing to share space with someone I already know. Thank you.”

Poe beams and Finn can’t help but return his own smile. Poe probably has no idea how _incredibly_ happy it makes him to know he will be able to have the pilot close.

They talk some more and Finn isn’t sure how much time has passed when someone he hasn’t seen before enters the room. It’s an attractive woman with dark skin and neatly braided blond hair and she smiles the moment she spots Poe and him. She approaches Finn’s bed with a confident strut.

“Hi!” she says to Finn. “So you’re the guy Poe won’t shut up about.”

Finn doesn’t know how to respond to that so he glances at Poe for help – but the pilot is currently hiding his face in his hands. He emerges after a moment with a deep breath and looks to the woman with something close to accusation. Finn isn’t fully following what exactly is happening.

“Come on, introduce us,” the woman elbows Poe into his side with a playful expression.

“Karé, this is Finn, who saved my life on the Finalizer,” he gestures to Finn. “Finn, this is Karé Kun, we were both in the Republic fleet and joined the Resistance together.”

“Yeah, _joined the Resistance together_ after this hotshot here ignored orders and flew his lone ass right in the middle of the First Order fleet. _That_ got General Organa’s attention.”

Finn’s eyes open wide in shock but only for a moment. Considering everything that happened during their escape from the Finalizer, he’s ready to believe Poe Dameron did just _that._

“So, anything in particular brings you here, Karé?” Poe chimes in before Finn can comment on anything she just said.

“Well, you _are_ fifteen minutes late to your training, _Commander,_ ” Karé says with a smirk and winks at Finn and he still isn’t sure he’s on the same page as the pilots. “I volunteered to come and take you from your important engagement.”

Poe stands up abruptly and curses under his breath.

“I’m on my way, can’t you see I’m on my way to the training I definitely didn’t forget about,” he is already walking out of the room. “See you later, Finn!” he shouts before he’s out of the door.

“Thanks for getting Poe back to us,” Karé says to Finn once Poe leaves, her voice honest. “And for staying with us in the Resistance. You’re making him happy.”

Finn once again is at a loss for words because of Karé.

“He keeps saying I saved his life but I wouldn’t be here without him either.”

Karé gives him a soft smile.

“I need to go too. Best of luck with your recovery!”

For Finn’s taste, Poe had to leave entirely too soon, even if he was apparently late to another duty. But at least Finn now has something to distract himself with so he starts by checking whether the datapad Poe brought him has any handbooks on learning binary, it is becoming quite tiring that he can never understand BB-8. He’s in luck since two positions pop up after a brief check and Finn bookmarks them for later. Presently, he feels like perusing some more through his options.

For the time being, he skips most of the novels. He knows he wants to try one for sure, the First Order only provided them with non-fiction and instructional texts so the concept of reading anything designed for fun is quite exciting. But the selection is so vast that Finn finds it overwhelming. Maybe next time Poe visits, he’ll ask for some recommendations.

Then Finn finds history books. The _New Republic_ issued history books. It suddenly hits him that what he has been learning for all of his life must have been twisted to suit the First Order’s agenda. Now, he has the opportunity to read the account of these events but from the perspective of the other side.

Where does he even begin?

He decides to start by searching for General Organa and once he dives into the history of the Rebellion, he can’t put it down. He buries himself in the stories about the heroic deeds of Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo and he registers that he’s spent hours reading only once the medical droid brings him his lunchtime ration bars.

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

Finn arrives early for his next conversation with Poe since he’s supposed to go in after Karé – the only pilot who so far felt up to a face-to-face meeting with their former Commander – and she asked him to get her out at a certain hour so that she can allow herself not to be distracted by watching the time but she can also make it to her next engagement without being late.

He enters the observation room once he arrives some minutes in advance, too curious not to. He wants to know how the conversation is going and what mood Poe is in today before it’s his turn.

“You were always a shit liar so you can’t keep lying to yourself that this situation is all clear and not at all messed up,” Karé says, straightforward as ever. “I get it that after you woke up in the First Order and they told you a story about how you’re their prize pilot you swallowed it up because why wouldn’t you, you had no other alternative. Then we come in, drag you out of your TIE and tell you something completely different.”

“And so far you’re not really convincing,” Poe retorts, his whole attitude screaming how annoyed and tired he is with the situation.

“Shit liar, I’ve told you,” Karé points a finger at him knowingly. “You may do all these theatrics about how you’re bored with all this but I _know you_ and you’re listening to every word and analysing it in that brainwashed head of yours. You see how much of it doesn’t make sense when taking only the First Order point of view,” she makes a pause as if waiting for Poe to acknowledge she’s right but he just snorts at her. “Why would we put so much effort into telling you that you are one of us if it wasn’t true? We don’t really have that many resources to waste on damaged goods,” she waves to indicate all of him. “You’re an amazing pilot, but are you worth all this trouble if you’re _just_ an amazing pilot? Not really. You’re worth all this trouble because _you are our friend_.”

Finn doesn’t hear what Poe has to say to that since it’s already a minute past the time he promised to replace Karé in that chair. He walks to the person guarding the interrogation room today and explains that he and Karé will switch places inside and gets an acknowledging nod in return.

He opens the door to the interrogation room but before he can even start speaking to Karé, Finn registers a sudden movement inside and for a second he just watches, dumbfounded, as Poe jumps over the table and sprints towards him. Then he tackles Finn to get him out of the way and he _runs_. Finn is right after him a breath later, chasing the black silhouette through the corridor leading to the stairs to the upper level. Poe's hands are still restrained so Finn is able to gain on him quickly. He grabs Poe's arms and tries to pacify him but the pilot suddenly kicks himself off the nearest wall to gain momentum and it startles Finn enough to make him loosen his grip. Poe wriggles out of his grasp and starts running again. Finn is on him a second later but this time he knows he won't be able to hold the pilot so he grabs Poe's shoulder to turn him around and then punches him out cold.

Finn takes a moment to process what just happened, looks at Poe laying on the ground, a red mark already forming on his cheek, and lets out a sob before he can stop himself. He almost collapses against the wall, his breathing too quick and he knows it's not because of his sprint after the pilot.

How did it all come to this?

Seconds later, Karé and the guard catch up with them and Finn pulls himself together. The three of them lift unconscious Poe up and move him to his cell that’s just two doors before the interrogation room they’re usually using. Only after Poe is safely locked in there and the guard reports in the incident via his comm, Karé takes Finn to the side.

“Are you alright?” there’s honest concern in her voice and Finn has to fight his stormtrooper training in order not to brush it all off. But Karé became a friend in the time he was here and they’re both hurting now and he logically knows he really should talk to someone.

“No, not really,” he admits. “I hit him, I had to hurt him to stop him…” his voice breaks. Karé opens her arms in an offer of a hug and he takes it gratefully.

“Well, at least some things never change, he’s still an impulsive idiot. Where the kriff did he think he would run off to?” Karé says into his shoulder and Finn can’t help but laugh. It sounds a bit choked but it is a laugh nonetheless.

“Thank you,” he says earnestly as he withdraws from the embrace and Karé waves it off.

“That’s what friends are for. We’ll deal with this together,” she says with conviction, then she puts her arms around his shoulders and starts walking them towards the stairs. “Now come, let’s get some lunch. I bet you haven’t been eating enough with all this mess.”

“But didn’t you have plans, you asked me to–”

“Yes, I was supposed to eat lunch with my husband. And _you are_ joining us,” she says in a tone that won’t accept any objections. Finn’s glad for that. He doesn’t really want to be alone right now.

жжж

**_Before_ **

“Poe, there was so much I didn’t know!” Finn talks eagerly next time the pilot comes to visit and asks whether there was anything up his alley on the datapad. “I’ve flown with Han Solo, he saved my life, and Rey is with Luke Skywalker, and _the General_ …” he’s not really sure what he’s saying but Poe is grinning at him with such delight that Finn must be at least getting his excitement through. “We knew _of_ them of course, they told us about their ‘crimes’ but I never knew…” he once again is at a loss for words so he just gestures to the datapad.

“Don’t get starstruck next time you meet Leia, she hates that,” Poe laughs. “I’m glad you wanted to learn more. My parents were in the Rebellion and I kept asking them for stories about it all the time,” he adds with childish glee. “My mom was especially hard to convince. But once she would finally be persuaded – and I was pretty adamant, I loved the piloting stories the best, go figure – it was amazing to listen to her.”

Finn can only imagine. “I would love to hear one of those,” he admits out loud before thinking about it.

“Well, I am easier to convince than my mom,” Poe winks. “I still remember some, I like to think of them when I miss her, how she was always praising everyone else and belittling her own achievements,” his voice becomes softer and he seems suddenly deep in thought.

“Well, that I know you didn’t get from her, Mr. I Can Fly Anything,” Finn jokes, wanting to see that bright smile on the pilot’s face again and there it is, along with a light punch to his leg.

“So your mom was a pilot,” Finn asks and Poe confirms with a nod.

“My dad was one of the Pathfinders, you heard of them?”

“The commandos, right? I’ve read about them here,” Finn taps the datapad with his finger. He was really impressed with what they achieved in the fight with the Empire. He’s not sure if the Resistance has any special ground forces now like the Pathfinders but he knows this is where he would feel most confident with his skills. “I was thinking, actually, that once I’m out of the hospital I may try with the infantry. I was a pretty good stormtrooper before they made me shoot at civilians, I think you could have some use of me.”

“If that’s what you want,” Poe nods. “For now focus on your recovery.”

“Physical therapy starts tomorrow, I can’t wait to get back on my feet.”

“Just don’t rush it, remember you took a lightsaber to your back,” Poe raises his eyebrows as if in warning. How does he know that Finn is one to give a little bit too much to get best results as quickly as possible? Well, it seems like somehow he does and he won’t accept such behaviour from Finn now.

Finn is saved from explaining himself by BB-8 who rolls into the room and goes straight for Poe. The droid beeps something at the pilot and Poe sighs tiredly.

“I gotta go,” he admits with regret. “I left BeeBee to do diagnostics on Black One and it needs some tweaking to be ready for the next mission, whenever that happens.”

Black One? Then it hits him…

“Oh, that’s the black X-wing you’ve flown on Takodana, right?” Finn grinds at the memory of the breathtaking maneuvers he’s seen that ship make. “You were _incredible_ back there,” he announces admiringly.

Poe freezes for a moment, looking almost bashful, and then asks: “Really?” in a breathless voice as if he wasn’t the best pilot in the Resistance.

“ _Really_ , that was some fantastic flying, I may have stared up a little bit too much instead of paying attention to what was happening on the ground around me,” Finn replies truthfully.

Poe gives him a smile that Finn hasn’t seen before, it’s tender and seems intimate somehow. He feels heat rushing to his cheeks being at the receiving end of that smile, his heart beating faster in his chest.

BB-8 beeps something at Poe again, rolling into his leg to ensure getting the attention of the pilot. Finn still doesn’t understand a single word but he could tell the droid is exasperated with Poe.

“Yeah, I gotta go,” Poe repeats and clears his throat, suddenly avoiding Finn’s eyes and looking at BB-8 even when talking to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

On the one hand, Finn is grateful to have been put on leave from his infantryman duties. He knows he wouldn’t be able to focus on the drills and group training with Poe down in the prison cell on his mind. The General knew it too when she arranged his break. On the other hand, he has almost no distractions from having Poe down in the prison cell on his mind – and sometimes it is too much.

He was quite a mess when Poe went missing but he managed to put himself together. He worked hard _for_ Poe because he knew the pilot wouldn’t want him to lose his recently earned position in the Resistance because of him. He waited for Poe to come back to see his progress.

But now Poe was back and it was somehow better and worse at the same time.

During the day, Finn helps any way he can with working on Poe’s recovery. He eats some meals with Jess, Karé, and Snap and he’s thankful for the other pilots’ company. The fact that brainwashed Commander Dameron is being kept in the Resistance prison is not common knowledge so even if they can’t really talk about it in the canteen, it helps to be around people who are all going through the same thing. In the evenings, he tries to tire himself out in the training rooms. He’s already in great shape after his hospital time but he’s pushing himself beyond his own limits, hoping that maybe the exhaustion will help him get some sleep.

It doesn’t really help.

He’s still in the same quarters. With Poe’s empty bed and Poe’s jacket still hanging on the chair and Poe’s star maps stuck to the walls and Poe’s absence screaming at him from every corner. There’s been only Finn and BB-8 for weeks now in this room and neither of them is doing great.

Late at night, when he’s on the edge of restless sleep, Finn can’t help but wonder… If Poe loved him, would that help break the conditioning?

Finn has been reading on memory loss on his datapad during those nights when he completely gives up on sleep. Strong feelings often trigger the return of memories in case of amnesia. Attachments to things and places that are important to the patient. Getting reacquainted with people the patient had a profound bond with. This is what they’ve been trying so far. Unfortunately, both Poe’s parents are dead. General Organa couldn’t get through to him, despite her being like a mother to the pilot. None of them seem to awaken deep enough emotions in Poe.

Finn loves Poe with all of his being but that’s not enough. Poe would have to love him back for this to work.

His treacherous mind recalls the afternoons spent in the hospital room shared with Blake when he called his kids. In so many stories he told, there was one solution to the protagonists’ problems that would never fail. No matter what happened between the main characters, a true love’s kiss would always make everything good once again. Princesses were woken up from endless dreams, princes’ horrible curses would be broken, kingdoms would be saved, loved ones reunited – all thanks to pure love.

“Stop being dumb,” Finn murmurs to himself, hating his own brain for thinking about this.

This is not a story but their cruel reality. There are no guaranteed happy endings. Finn’s feelings for Poe won’t magically cure him from the brainwashing. True love’s kiss won’t work if the love isn’t there on both ends – which is ridiculous to consider in the first place since no such thing as a magical healing kiss exists but Finn’s mind likes to remind him about its potential futility nonetheless.

All of them who care about Poe, they _will_ all keep trying to bring him back. But will any of them be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When it comes to updates, I think they'll be a weekly thing. Since there's an ongoing shitstorm at my work and I barely find time to write anything substantial after my shifts during the week, it is safe to say that new chapters will be appearing on Sundays ;)
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hoodedmiho) and [tumblr](http://missmho.tumblr.com/) if you want to scream about beautiful space boys together :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry it took me 2 weeks to update but this chapter kept growing and growing as I was working on it – so now you have a delayed chapter but it's twice as long as the first one so I guess it is some kind of compensation? ;)
> 
> Thank to all of you who left kudos and comments on the previous chapter, they all mean so much to me <3
> 
> There's now a new [fanart of TIE-fighter pilot!Poe by Chloe](https://twitter.com/clakearts/status/1231276054343323648) that also features him talking to Finn like in the fic <3 Go give her all the love!

**_Before_ **

Between the physical therapy, studying history along with basics of binary, listening to Blake’s stories, and waiting for Poe’s visits, the rest of Finn’s stay in the hospital seems to go by much quicker than the first days after waking up from his bacta treatment.

He still can’t wait to be finally officially released and Doctor Basch has to order him to keep still twice during the last examination of his recovered back.

“As much as I’m enjoying your company, Finn, I do hope we won’t have many opportunities to see each other in the future,” Doctor Basch says as a goodbye, while handing him a small jar of salve to put on his scars if they still ache.

“I’m not sure I can promise that, Doctor, but I will do my best,” Finn answers and gets a soft look in response and a dismissive hand wave.

Poe and BB-8 are waiting for him and Finn feels an overwhelming urge to finally gather Poe in a hug and feel the pilot’s full embrace. In the end, the doubt if the gesture would be welcome wins and he just settles at putting his hands in the pockets of his trousers and grinning at the other man.

“Finally free!”

Poe returns the smile and Finn only now realizes that the pilot is standing with his hands behind his back as if he’s hiding something. Finn stops in front of the pilot and looks pointedly in that direction.

“I did my best to fix it,” Poe says, suddenly seeming embarrassed. “I’ll understand if you don’t want it anymore.”

Finn lifts his eyebrows in question and only then, with a bracing intake of breath, Poe puts his hands in front of him, revealing the mystery. Finn’s breath hitches when he recognizes the jacket. The one he pulled out of the flaming TIE-fighter after their escape from the Finalizer, the one Poe officially gave him after their reunion, the first thing he owned after defecting…

The stitches are crude and uneven but they keep together the pieces that were sliced by Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Finn runs his hands over them and looks up at Poe who’s staring at him nervously, awaiting a reaction.

“You did it yourself?” he asks, still in shock by the gesture.

Poe pushes the jacket into Finn’s hands and takes a step back, almost defensively.

“I’m not much of a sawer, I was busy commanding the fleet,” he stammers offhandedly and Finn has to stop him from walking away by grabbing the pilot’s wrist.

“Thank you,” Finn says, squeezing Poe’s hand and the other man finally smiles again.

“I just thought…” he stumbles over his words and starts again. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t like how it looks now, I just…”

Finn doesn’t allow the pilot to struggle anymore and just puts the jacket on.

“You promised me some food other than hospital ration bars?” Finn reminds Poe so that the pilot doesn’t have to stress over the jacket anymore.

“That I did, buddy! Let’s go,” he puts his arm around Finn’s shoulders as they walk together and Finn isn’t sure if the sudden heat he’s feeling is there because of the jacket or the pilot’s closeness. He doesn’t feel ready to examine that conundrum.

When they reach the canteen, Finn is really happy Poe is with him since the process of simply choosing the food gets a bit overwhelming after years of tasteless protein rations. Poe is talking excitedly about some foods that are not easily available that he says Finns _needs_ to try and promises to try and get some from around the base. Finn just nods to everything, trying to remember as many names as possible.

He gets no rest when it comes to new experiences after dealing with that adventure because the moment they turn towards the tables, Finn hears voices yelling Poe’s name and calling him over.

Poe leads him to a table with already three people sitting by.

“Everyone, this is Finn,” Poe introduces him as they take their seats. “You already know Karé.” The blonde pilot winks at Finn who’s already flushed under all the attention and he feels more heat rushing into his face. “This is Karé’s husband, Snap Wexley,” Poe gestures at the man with a dark beard and a kind smile.

“It’s nice to meet you, maybe Poe will finally talk about anything else now that you’re here with us,” Snap shakes Finn’s hand and receives a playful shove into his shoulder from Poe for the second part of his greeting.

“And I’m Jessika Pava,” the woman with long black hair introduces herself, ignoring Snap and Poe who are still jokingly scuffling with each other. “We’ve been flying with this hotshot here for some time so if you want any dirt on _Commander Dameron,_ feel free to hit us up on that,” she grins and Finn can’t help but laugh.

“Maybe I should just leave,” Poe whines dramatically.

“You’re just jealous Finn is stealing all the attention,” Karé says matter-of-factly and Poe rubs his face with his hands. Is he blushing?

“Okay, Finn, I lied to you, I don’t know any of these people,” Poe announces in a grave voice. “I just wanted to impress you by pretending I have friends but I have never seen them before in my life.”

Finn and Karé burst out laughing at the same time. Finn sees Poe’s staring at him fondly and he sure hopes that no one can see him be the one blushing now.

Poe smoothly shifts the topic to food and all of the pilots start discussing the dishes, flavours, and desserts that Finn should try, while also arguing what he should eat first from the array that Poe has put on his plate today. Finn was quite nervous about his first day out of the social cocoon that the hospital offered but Poe and his friends made him feel welcome almost effortlessly.

There’s only one challenge left for the day then – survive becoming Poe’s roommate. After the meal, Poe leads Finn to their quarters. It’s a small room fitted for two and it offers the most space Finn ever had just for himself in his life. He doesn’t have anything to call his own beside the clothes he’s wearing, the toothbrush he was given in the hospital, and the datapad Poe got him so moving in takes him no time at all. Poe shows him that he took care of getting some more clothes for Finn and they’re already in his half of the closet.

“Thank you for this, again,” Finn says, sitting down on _his_ bed. “It really is good to have a familiar face around.”

A face he really likes looking at – his treacherous mind supplies.

“No problem,” Poe smiles. “I’m really glad you decided to stay with us.”

They talk some more but the evening arrives quickly and Finn needs to be up early to report for his evaluation checking whether he’s fit to join the infantry. Finn feels almost nervous, laying in his new bed, knowing how close Poe is. Hearing his breathing and the rustling of sheets whenever the other man moves. Nevertheless, all of the emotions of the day wore him out quite badly and the exhaustion finally catches up to him. The last thing Finn registers as his mind is falling into that weird state on the verge of sleep is a thought of being even closer to Poe, lying right next to him, so close he can feel the heat of the pilot’s body…

His mind is not kind enough to follow on that thought and next thing Finn knows is him waking up drenched in sweat to a breathless scream.

“Finn, it’s okay, you’re with me,” says a gentle voice somewhere near him. Finn realizes that the scream was his own. And the gentle voice…

“Poe?” Finn’s voice is raspy and sounds too small for his own liking.

“There you are,” there’s audible relief in Poe’s voice. He’s leaning over Finn’s bed, his hair ruffled by sleep but he seems fully alert. War does that to you – once you’re up, you’re ready to run out and fight.

“I am so sorry I woke you up,” Finn rubs his hands over his face in embarrassment. “You must be starting to regret taking me as a roommate, huh?”

“You’d have to do much worse than a nightmare,” Poe waves his hand dismissively. Then he sighs, taking a seat on the floor with his back against Finn’s bed. “I get them too, buddy…”

Part of Finn wants to tell Poe to just return to sleep, but some other part is thankful for the presence and the words. That latter part wins. Maybe it’s because of the dark, maybe it’s because he feels more vulnerable after the nightmare and he can’t deny himself some comfort – now that he _can_ receive it.

“Especially since Ren…” Poe’s voice is somber in a way Finn rarely hears from the pilot. “I really thought I would die on that Star Destroyer, Finn. When Ren forced the information out of my mind, I gave up hope. I have failed my mission for the Resistance, I have failed Leia, and now I served no purpose to the First Order.”

It’s mostly dark, there’s only a faint blue light coming from the holo-clock between their beds, but Finn can see the pilot fiddling with the ring he’s wearing on a chain around his neck. Finn has seen him do it before, it must be a subconscious thing at this point.

“Sometimes I dream that you never got me out of that cell,” the pilot confesses. “That I was marched out into the open and executed. My mission never accomplished, BeeBeeAte lost in the sands of Jakku.”

Finn doesn’t know how to respond but he wants Poe to know that he understands, that he’s here for him in whatever way he can… But he can’t find the words. In the end, he puts his hand on Poe’s shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly. Poe slightly leans into the touch so Finn leaves his hand there as they sit in the dark.

Poe must suddenly become aware of his fiddling and Finn’s gaze being drawn to the faint glinting of the ring because he lets go of it, letting it fall to his chest, and says:

“It belonged to my mom…” Then he clears his throat. “Have I ever told you about that time my mom has flown her first mission with Luke Skywalker?” Poe says after a long moment of silence, his voice much more cheerful than before, and Finn is grateful for the distraction. Neither of them will go back to sleep for some time now.

“Well you did promise me a story about your mom back in the hospital,” Finn replies, recalling one of Poe’s visits.

“Oh, she was a magnificent pilot,” Poe says with clear affection. “One of my favourite stories was the one about how one time R2-D2 just approached her and dragged her to meet Luke Skywalker. He introduced himself as if _everyone_ in the Rebellion didn’t know him after the Death Star. He says to my mom that he asked R2 to bring him a pilot, you know, as a person does,” Poe laughs. “And here they are now, thanks to his droid, going together on a mission.”

Finn was looking forward to any distraction from the bad dreams but now he’s honestly invested in the story.

“And? What was it – the mission?”

Poe turns a bit in his place on the floor so that his elbow is leaning on Finn’s bed and they’re facing each other. He’s smiling, visibly excited.

“Well, then he tells her to wear an imperial uniform and…”

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

Finn's barely in the room when Poe smiles the vicious grin that’s been a frequent guest on his lips since they got him out of that TIE-fighter and says:

“Have you come to beat me up some more?”

Finn almost leaves then and there, the words feeling like a bucket of cold water poured over his head. He makes himself take a deep breath and sits down across the pilot despite the desperate need to run out and scream.

"it's your own fault and you know it," he retorts but he can’t tear his eyes away from the angry-red bruise on the left-side of the pilot’s face. There’s some scabbing as well where Poe’s skin must have broken over his cheekbone. Finn knows too well how to punch someone hard enough to make them lose consciousness and he knows damn well how that messes up one’s face. It’s still disturbing to see the effects on Poe and be aware that it is his doing.

“Okay, so what you’ve got for me today?” Poe raises his eyebrows expectantly. Finn is taken aback by the veiled invitation and finally lets his attention fall from the bruise to take in the pilot’s whole posture. Poe has been getting less and less aggressive with every conversation, but today he seems… resigned. As if he wants this whole thing to end one way or another.

It’s then that Finn also notices that Poe’s hands are no longer just restrained but the cuffs are secured to the table. So much for running out of the room again.

“Last time you spoke with General Organa you said you don’t believe in _‘all that Force banthashit’_ ,” Finn quotes.

Poe grunts. “Are you one of those Jedi fanatics?” he asks, visibly disappointed.

Finn shakes his head even though he does believe in the Force and the Jedi, he just wouldn't call himself a fanatic. But he's not here to get into the details of his beliefs, he's here to discuss Poe's.

“Next to the house where you grew up on Yavin IV,” Finn gets right into the story, not letting Poe get to him with his mocking and lose his composure. “There was a tree that you always seemed to favour among all others. When you had a hard day or needed to think something through, you would always go to that same tree without even thinking about it. There was something comforting in sitting beside it and feeling its bark under your hands. You finally decided to ask your parents about it, if there was anything special about it.”

“Seriously this is what you’re going with…”

“It turned out that particular tree was a gift,” Finn continues, ignoring the interruption. Poe rolls his eyes and slags a little bit more in his chair but stays silent.

It is indeed what he’s going with. He decided to focus on Poe’s family in his recent conversations rather than their own friendship, believing that addressing Poe’s love for his parents will be most effective. Well, definitely more effective than counting on Poe's feelings for Finn.

“Your mom was a pilot on one particular mission with Luke Skywalker.”

“And here we go with the kriffing Jedi…” Poe mutters under his breath but Finn just takes it as a win that Poe is still listening.

“Luke was trying to steal back an artifact from the Empire that used to belong in a Jedi temple. Imagine your mother's surprise when that precious artifact turned out to be _a tree._ A tree that had so much Force coursing through it that even someone not trained in sensing it could feel there was something different about it. When your mom and Skywalker found where the artifact was kept, it turned out that the Empire had two of these trees in their possession. Skywalker gave one of them to the brave pilot that helped him in retrieving the trees. She planted the tree in her own family garden.”

Poe is staring at a fixed point somewhere on the bare table between them, his face tense. Finn can’t help but wonder if all of the conversations they’ve been having with Poe are having an effect on him. If there are some memories resurfacing in his mind – if Poe’s trying to bury them under the First Order brainwashing again or if maybe he’s trying to reach for them, make them clearer in his mind.

“You’ve been drawn to that particular tree because of the Force, even if you could never put your finger on it. The closeness to it was what always helped you find peace in your mind. You grew up knowing about the Force but that tree in your family garden made you really believe for the first time.”

Poe’s concentration turns into a frown.

“How do you know this?” Poe looks up at Finn suspiciously. “That doesn’t sound like a story from the New Republic Fleet records.”

Finn decides to be honest. He doesn’t feel like there’s any other way for this to work.

“You told me all this yourself,” he admits. “We sometimes woke each other up because of nightmares. You told me stories about the Rebellion when we both couldn’t sleep.”

Poe’s eyebrows rise slowly and he looks Finn up and down, scrutinizing.

"We shared a room?” Poe asks and as a reply Finn only nods. “And you're not a pilot like me?"

“Not a pilot.”

Poe still stares at him but there’s something almost predatory about it now.

“Well, _that would_ explain it,” he says, biting down on his lip.

Suddenly Finn is the one not fully understanding the situation. His confusion must be written all over his face because Poe actually laughs out loud in a clearly amused way.

"You're all full of it but your visits are my favourite after all, _roommate_."

Finn huffs in frustration.

“You’re full of it, too. You keep acting like you don’t care about all this, like you don’t believe us even a bit, like this is all some kind of joke,” he’s talking faster, the anger at the whole situation spilling out before he can stop it. “But I can see that it’s just that, an _act._ ”

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Poe is raising his voice as well. “Maybe if you weren’t so pathetic at whatever you think you’re doing to bring my supposed memory back I wouldn’t be stuck here cuffed to the damn table!” Poe hisses when his beaten up face starts aching from his animated yelling. He instinctively tries to lift his hands to the wound but then his binds stop him and he curses out loud. “You’re all _useless!_ ”

Finn’s rage dissipates as fast as it arrived and he feels overwhelmingly exhausted.

“Don’t I know that…” he breathes out quietly, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. “Well, I guess I should find something else to do that I’m not so useless at instead of wasting my time here,” Finn stands up and turns towards the way out.

“Wait, I didn’t mean for you to leave,” Poe calls after him. Finn’s hand is already raised and ready to knock and give the sign that will let him out. “Stay–” Poe says and gulps the air abruptly in place of saying Finn’s name.

Because Finn still hasn’t told him his name.

They both freeze for a moment when the realization hits both of them. Then Finn knocks three times and almost runs out when the guard opens the door for him.

Finn shouldn’t be so shocked. It was his own decision at the beginning of all this not to give his name. He assumed it would hurt – hearing his name from this Poe’s mouth. He didn’t expect how badly it would hit him when this Poe wanted to call him to ask to stay – even if they would have just ended up arguing again – and he didn’t know what name to use.

He decides to go to the observation room to sit down and compose himself – instead of slumping down onto the corridor floor _again._ He doesn’t expect anyone to be there.

“I have news that may make you feel a bit better,” Leia says when Finn enters the room and stops in his tracks the moment he notices he’s not alone. “Please sit down.”

Finn dares to cast a look at Poe behind the one-way-mirror. He’s visibly dejected, staring at the restraints on his hands as if he could break them with sheer force of will. Maybe he’s trying to do just that. Finn looks away and takes a seat across from Leia.

“I have talked with Luke about the situation with Poe since I started to suspect that the dark side of the Force may have been used to get him to the state he’s in,” Leia says and Finn feels anger rising in him again. He still remembers Poe confessing to him in the darkness of their room how his most recent nightmares were about Kylo Ren invading his mind with the Force, rummaging through his memories against his will. If they did it again––

Finn feels his fists clench in fury.

“Luke is willing to make an alteration to Rey’s training and come here,” Leia says with a small smile. “He should be able to determine whether the Force was involved and if he’ll be able to reverse it.”

Finn doesn’t want to allow himself much hope but it stirs in him nonetheless. It’s not an ironclad solution to their problem. But it’s something new that has a promise of a breakthrough, which is more than he can ask for now.

жжж

**_Before_ **

“I’m going on a mission tomorrow,” Poe says, sounding regretful about it even though Finn knows he’s been itching to fly. “Extremely confidential, the briefing gave me a headache. But I’ll be gone less than a week, you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“I highly doubt that,” Finn laughs. “We kind of share a room,” he adds even though what is really going through his mind is the fact that he has been missing Poe when they’ve been apart just for mere hours. Today, during shooting practice, when he was going through the motions of _aim, shoot, change stance, aim, shoot,_ his thoughts were all heading towards the evening when he knew he’ll be able to see Poe, hear his vibrant voice as he hums some melody while reading on his datapad before going to sleep, maybe touch him if there’s an excuse for it and feel the warm rough skin under his fingers…

“Well, BeeBeeAte is not going with me this time so you’ll still have company,” Poe nods to the droid who beeps something too quickly for Finn to catch but by the tone he can tell that BB-8 doesn’t like that fact that he’s being left behind.

“Be safe, okay?” Finn asks, his voice sounding weirdly strained even to his own ears. “I won’t be there to get you out this time,” he tries to joke but it somehow turns out too raw.

“I’ll get back to you, buddy,” Poe says, sounding earnest. “To both of you,” he adds after Beebee’s offended chirp.

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

It’s another sleepless night with Finn’s mind running through all the possible scenarios.

If Force really was involved, will Luke Skywalker really be able to reverse it all?

If it all turns out to be futile and even a Jedi’s aid won’t have effect – what then?

Even Poe seems to be getting tired with the whole situation. He’s still fighting them with words and attitude but it’s not as fierce as it used to be at the beginning. Somehow, it seems more like a self-defense mechanism of a confused animal now rather than the conviction about his own righteousness that he used to be full of when they first dragged him into that interrogation room.

Finn rolls around in the bed, curling on his side and making himself smaller. His chest seems to physically ache with how much he’s missing Poe. _His_ Poe. The stupidly-brave pilot with beautiful smiles and warm brown eyes and…

BB-8 rolls to Finn’s bed and makes a series of beeps, startling Finn out of his moping. Finn hasn’t learned as much binary as he wished to with his infantry training and then, well, lack of motivation to do anything when Poe went missing. But he does catch his own name among BB-8’s words – as well as Poe’s.

“What is it, BeeBee?” Finn sits up on the bed to look down at the droid. He notices that one of the BB-8’s compartments is open and there’s something hidden in it.

“You want me to take it out?”

After Finn gets a confirmation, he reaches into the compartment and his breath hitches the moment he realizes what he’s holding.

It’s Poe’s ring. Or rather his mother’s ring that he always wears around his neck.

“You had it all this time?”

The droid beeps an answer and Finn makes out only some of it but it’s enough to get the gist: ’mission’, ‘safe’, ‘here’.

Poe knew the mission he’s being sent on was dangerous. He didn’t want to risk losing one of his most prized possessions so he secured it with BB-8. The droid managed to keep the map to Luke Skywalker away from the First Order, no wonder Poe felt it was safer to leave the ring with his astromech rather than take it with him on an undercover mission where personal accessories are a liability.

Why is BB-8 giving it to him now?

“You think it may help?” he asks the droid. “Remind him of his mom?”

BB-8 beeps a confirmation. Finn has been telling him what has been happening with Poe since they got him back, even if it was more of a monologue than a conversation.

“Thanks,” he pats the droid’s head and puts the ring’s chain around his neck, the way Poe has been wearing it. It feels kind of wrong to have it without Poe’s permission but… desperate times call for desperate measures.

жжж

**_Before_ **

Poe’s mission is supposed to last six days.

On the seventh night since Poe’s departure, Finn doesn’t get a wink of sleep, staring at the empty bed that he was purposefully ignoring for the past week.

The eighth night since Poe’s departure, Finn and BB-8 spent by the x-wing hangar entrance, looking to the stars as if Poe’s ship was to arrive any minute now.

On the ninth day, he learns that the mission’s parameters were so sensitive that even Poe didn’t know where he would end up once he followed a signal given by an informant. They can’t launch a rescue mission because they wouldn’t even know where to look. These were the conditions Poe agreed to. It takes all of Finn’s stormtrooper training not to yell at a commanding officer, lashing out in helpless rage. He also really wants to yell at Poe who is not here. _Oh stars, why is he not here…_

Karé, Snap, and Jessika try to keep all of their spirits up as they meet for meals, recalling all the crazy missions Poe has pulled through and always managed to come back from. After two weeks pass, even they find it hard to keep their spirits up.

At the beginning of week three, Finn has gone through hundreds of potential rescue missions in his head.

But he would need a pilot…

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

****

Finn is simultaneously thrilled and nervous as he waits for the Millenium Falcon to arrive. So much has happened to both Rey and him since the last time they saw each other. What if that bond they’ve built while running away from Jakku is no longer there?

But then the ship lands and Rey runs out towards Finn and she’s embracing him like he’s something precious. For one moment of pure joy of being reunited with her friend, Finn forgets all the worries that haunted him just minutes ago.

“I am so happy you’re here,” he murmurs into her shoulder and she squeezes him even tighter.

Once they let go, Finn takes in the rest of the crew. Luke Skywalker is standing in front of Leia, their hands clutching one another as they talk quietly but intensely. Finn looks away, feeling almost as though intruding on the intimacy of their reunion. His gaze moves to the Falcon’s ramp where Chewbacca is standing with a man Finn has never met before. He looks familiar somehow but Finn can’t put his finger on it. He’s around Luke’s age, his white hair gathered in a simple braid at the back of his head contrasting with his darker skin. His beard is still black though, with only patches of white. He’s observing Luke and Leia with visible fondness.

Finn and Rey are told to go catch up and arrive in the interrogation room in three hours since Luke and Leia have some things to discuss first as well. Finn is taken over by an overwhelming need to just _talk_ with Rey. Despite the friendship he’s built with the pilots, it’s still different with her. He didn’t realize how much he needed her until she was right in front of him.

In order to avoid any people who may interrupt them by wanting to meet Rey, who has become kind of a legend already around the base, Finn takes her out for a walk. Rey is the one to pour her heart out first. She’s talking excitedly about her training as well as complaining how hard it was at the beginning to make Luke even talk to her.

“He just threw the lightsaber away as if I’ve brought him a piece of trash! Can you imagine?” She's gesticulating vigorously and Finn has missed her so, _so_ much. “It was only the next day when we all sat down and had a conversation that Luke even started considering to train me.”

Finn catches how Rey says ‘we _all_ sat’, indicating that there was someone else beside Luke and her, and makes a mental note to ask about it later. He doesn’t want to disturb her flow now that she’s in the midst of her story. He assumes she means the man he’s seen by the Falcon that he still can’t place in his memory.

They find a comfortably remote place among the trees and sit down next to each other. There’s a moment of silence between them before Rey asks: “Do you want to talk about Poe?” and Finn just breaks down.

He hasn’t been okay for a long while but he also hasn’t allowed himself a moment of complete weakness. He’s been plowing through every single day, keeping himself together mostly because he simply didn’t want anyone to see that he’s not really coping that well. He was still new to the Resistance… And then when Poe came back without his memories, Finn didn’t want anyone’s attention on himself, he wanted all possible efforts put into the pilot’s recovery. He didn’t even break down with BB-8 in the darkness of their bedroom, as if he wanted to keep the droid’s spirits up as well as anybody else’s, as if BB-8 didn’t know the exact percentage of their probable failure.

Somehow, now with Rey, he finally lets go. He leans on her shoulder and allows the tears to fall freely.

“I wanted to believe he will come back even after the mission’s end was way overdue,” his voice is breaking but he can’t stop talking now once he started. Rey embraces him tightly and holds him as he speaks, her hands stroking his shoulders in a soothing motion. “But I was losing hope, I was catching myself mourning him, Rey, I…” He takes a deep shaky breath. “Then they brought him here in the First Order uniform and he looked _so wrong_ and he doesn’t remember anything, we’ve been trying again and again and he still only…” He swallows hard and the next words escape him before he can stop himself. “If only… I can’t stop feeling that… I keep thinking that if he loved me, it would help somehow… But it’s only me who…” He’s never said any of this out loud and he suddenly feels pathetic now that it’s out there, even if only for Rey to hear. “I can’t lose him, Rey, I’ve just realized that I love him and he’s…”

They simply sit there for a long while while Rey lets Finn cry it out until he can think clearly again. She’s muttering stories about nothing in particular – about planets she has visited with Luke so far and weird plants she’s seen – while Finn is trying to get his breathing under control.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much I was holding in,” Finn says after he’s finally back, grounded in the moment. He uncurls from Rey’s embrace and sits straighter so he can face her when they talk. Their thighs are still flush together and that’s enough for now, he needs her kind gaze as much as her hugs.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you for all this,” Rey counters.

“You had more important things to attend to than my breakdown.”

Rey squints, expressing her doubt at the statement, but doesn’t continue the discussion.

“So Poe hasn’t yet shown any recollection at all?” she asks instead. Finn expected more queries like this, his previous rant wasn’t that substantial.

“Not really. If he remembered anything, he didn’t share that with us,” he sighs. “His attitude has changed much, though. It makes me believe that there’s something trying to resurface in his mind but it just _can’t_ get there.”

Rey nods, taking it all in. “Hence Leia’s idea for using the Force.”

“Yes. None of us ever heard of that kind of mind-altering done by the First Order before so we have no idea what methods they really used.”

A full-body shiver goes through Finn at the thought of the torture Poe must have gone through and Rey puts a hand on his back, rubbing it reassuringly. “Master Luke is here now,” she says with conviction. “He’ll know what to do if they really manipulated Poe’s mind with the Force.”

Finn nods, appreciating the support Rey has been giving him since her arrival. How did he survive all this time without her by his side?

“You can’t be _sure_ he doesn’t love you back,” Rey says all of a sudden and Finn wants to bury himself underground then and there. In a flash, he wishes he was all alone with BB-8 again.

“I’m pretty sure I can,” he murmurs, staring at his own boots. “Why would he ever fall for an ex-stormtrooper who still doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life? He’s a Resistance hero, he can do _much_ better than a defector…”

Rey lets out a breathy laugh at that and her reaction makes Finn so dumbfounded that he looks up back at her abruptly.

“A hero and a defector, _huh._ ” She’s looking at Finn as if he was a child that just failed a simple mathematical equation. “Have you heard of Bodhi Rook?”

The question is unexpected but the shock brought by its outward irrelevance is brief because suddenly it all clicks in Finn’s memory. The man he’s seen by the Millenium Falcon – that’s why he seemed familiar! Since Finn started relearning history, he has especially focused on important rebel figures who were imperial defectors – _go figure_. He has read about the Rogue One pilot, Bodhi Rook, and he was in awe of the man. He just never expected to meet him, the archives just stop at one point when it comes to Rook’s activities. There’s no mention of him being allied with the current Resistance.

“Yes, I’ve read about him. He came here with you, didn’t he? I’ve seen someone by the Falcon earlier.”

Rey smiles at that, visibly glad that Finn knows of the man.

“Bodhi, a _defector_ … And the longtime life partner of rebel _hero_ Luke Skywalker.” She’s grinning now, watching closely for Finn’s reaction.

Finn stares at her in shock and closes his mouth once he realizes it has opened. There was no information about _that_ in the history books.

“It’s different, he…” he starts disputing automatically but he doesn’t really have a counter-argument so he falls silent before he can even finish the sentence. The only thing Finn has on his side is his own anxiety telling him that despite everything, even if his past wouldn’t matter, there is no way Poe would fall for him.

“When we get Poe back and things go back to normal – _well_ , Resistance normal – you should just talk to him,” Rey says, seeing that he’s still dispirited. He really appreciates her saying ‘when’ and not ‘if’. “I’ve barely met him but he must be kind if he won your heart. He won’t hold it against you if he doesn’t feel the same way but you should try. You _are_ worthy of anyone who’s good enough to get your attention.”

Finn feels like he should start praying to the Force, like he’s seen some people do around the base, thanking it for putting Rey in his life.

On their walk back to the base, Finn allows himself to be convinced to talk about Poe, _his_ Poe. How he visited him in the hospital and assisted him with settling in at the base. How he helped him with his nightmares. How simultaneously reckless and brilliant pilot he is. How Finn is missing his humming in the evenings.

Rey listens to him with a fond smile and right as they are about to enter the base, she stops them both so that she can face him when she says: “You should really tell him how you feel.”

Finn feels his stomach twist with nerves at the thought alone.

“One thing at a time,” he finally replies.

As Finn previously predicted, once they are on the base they are accosted by some people who want to simply shake Rey’s hand. She’s clearly dumbfounded by the attention.

“You are a Jedi,” Finn shrugs once she looks to him for explanation. “People are excited.”

“ _In training,_ ” she corrects.

“Still a Jedi.”

Fortunately, they get to the lower prison level quite soon and here the corridors are almost empty. Finn feels himself getting anxious again now that they are so close. He wants to know so badly whether Luke Skywalker will be able to help, but at the same time, he fears so much that the answer will not be the one they seek.

Finn and Rey arrive at the observation room first. Poe is not yet there on the other side of the transparisteel but the place brings back memories of all their previous encounters and Finn can’t help but feel on edge. As they wait, Rey takes Finn’s hand and squeezes it reassuringly and he’s reminded of their first meeting on Jakku, when she kept yelling at him not to grab her hand, and he feels a small smile curving his lips.

Leia and Luke arrive soon after. The tension immediately returns to Finn’s body, knowing what’s coming next.

“We haven’t been properly introduced yet,” Luke approaches Finn. “Rey talked about you a lot so I can honestly say it’s a pleasure to meet you, Finn.”

“It’s an honour,” Finn retorts and Luke waves his hand dismissively at that. “Thank you for agreeing to come and help.”

“I will do what I can,” Luke says, avoiding any guarantees, but is it enough for Finn. He’s read about the man a lot, he knows that Luke Skywalker’s best is as good as a promise.

The four of them watch as two guards walk Poe into the interrogation room. Rey takes Finn’s hand again and gasps quietly when she sees the pilot for the first time like this – with his hair still too short, with a scar crossing one cheek and a bruise blooming nastily on the other, with tired eyes and slouched shoulders. He looks even more resigned than the last time Finn has seen him (or rather walked out on him).

Luke moves to stand closer to the one-way-mirror, as close to Poe as possible, and frowns in concentration, closing his eyes.

Finn is so tense he can barely breathe. He doesn’t know how much time really passes but it feels like seconds are spreading into eons as he waits for the verdict. Rey doesn’t let go of his hand, even when it starts shaking.

Luke exhales slowly and turns to look at the three of them. “The Force was undoubtedly used to manipulate Poe’s mind.” Then his gaze moves to Leia alone. “It was _his_ doing.”

Finn doesn’t really understand what just transpired between the siblings but a mournful expression takes over Leia’s face in a profound way that he has never witnessed before.

“Can you reverse it?” Finn dares to ask.

“Yes,” Luke says but the solemn ring of that one word tells Finn that the matter is more complicated even before the Jedi continues. “But there’s one condition that needs to be fulfilled if I am to succeed.

Once Luke explains where the difficulty lies, Finn instinctively looks to Leia for guidance. She surprises him by her answer to his wordless plea.

“I think you should be the one to do it,” Leia offers Finn a small but encouraging smile. His first reaction is to argue but there’s something in General’s eyes that stops the objections before he can articulate them out loud.

Finn looks through the mirror again, focusing on the pilot. Poe is tired by this situation as well but will he–?

“Okay.”

Rey gives his hand a last squeeze and Finn leaves the observation room. But he stops in his tracks the moment he steps through the door, hit with sudden realization. He reaches under the collar of his shirt and tugs on the chain around his neck, pulling the ring out. Finn didn’t have a chance to show it to Poe since BB-8 gave it to him. But this may actually be the perfect time to use it.

Finn walks into the interrogation room like a man on a mission, almost jumping into his usual chair, feeling excited about the possibility in front of them as well as anxious whether they’ll even be able to go with it at all.

Poe seems intrigued by Finn’s attitude at first but he swiftly gets distracted by something else.

“What is that?” Poe doesn’t even pretend to be nonchalant about his query this time. He’s staring at the ring swaying from FInn’s neck as if it was about to jump and hurt him.

“We may have a way of bringing your memory back,” Finn doesn’t beat around the bush and doesn’t answer his question. The ring got his attention, now he wants Poe to want to remember its meaning himself. “We believe the Force was used to manipulate your memory and the Force may be needed to reverse the process.”

Poe doesn’t laugh the idea off right away so Finn continues.

“Dark side of the Force may have allowed for the alteration of your memory whether you wanted it or not,” Finn says bitterly. “Which is what we believe happened.”

“You want me to agree to some kind of torture I’ve probably already gone through to see if you can mess with my mind again?” Poe snarls. “Good guys, _huh._ ”

“No,” he almost spits the word through his throat squeezed by outrage at what Poe just suggested. He recalls what Luke just told him and hopes he can present that condition to Poe in a way that will get the result Finn wants. “We want you to _agree,_ period.”

Poe squints his eyes. “Explain.”

“The Force user on our side won’t do anything against your will. He believes he can retrieve your memories – but only if _you want it to happen._ He won’t be able to bring them back if there’s no desire for it on your side.”

He can see Poe grinding his teeth in concentration, the pilot’s jaw working as he stares at the ring hanging on Finn’s neck. Finn is giving him all the time he needs, sitting in front of him and waiting for the decision.

Poe’s gaze moves up from the ring and stops at Finn’s face. The conflicted brown eyes stare into Finn’s own for a moment that seems to stretch into eternity.

“Let’s do it.”

жжж

**_Before_ **

Finn wakes up with a headache. It’s not something new, he hasn’t been getting any substantial amount of sleep since Poe has gone missing but this time it’s not a I’ve-barely-slept kind of headache, today it’s a I-shouldn’t-have-drunk-this-much kind of headache. He’s confused for a longer moment. He had this kind of an awakening only once before, when Poe took him to a small party held by some pilots and infantry people. The morning after that there was already some water and painkillers waiting for him on the bedside table. Today, there’s only Poe’s empty bed and regret.

He rubs his eyes, trying to recall how he ended up in this state. Karé, Snap, and Jessika said that he must socialize more instead of sitting in his room with only BB-8 for a companion in the evenings. Karé has dragged him to one of the meeting rooms that was empty for the night and Jessika was already waiting there with alcohol.

_“You’re going to relax whether you want it or not.”_ His mind supplies a memory of Jessika saying at the beginning of the evening. He really hopes he did at one point because he can’t recall much of what happened with the current pounding in his head.

Finn is pretty sure Poe must have some painkillers somewhere in the room but he hasn’t been touching the pilot’s things since he left for that damned mission and he won’t start now.

Thinking of Poe brings another memory from the previous night.

_“You know, in wartime people fall into each other’s arms and beds out of many reasons that may seem wrong,” Karé mumbles, leaning on Finn’s shoulder. He must focus on her words and simultaneously keep his glass straight so the liquid inside doesn’t spill and the combination of these tasks is quite a challenge at this point in the night. “But sometimes, in all this, you come across that one person that was meant to be with you, war or not.” She sighs contentedly._

_“Snap and me, we met each other in the Resistance and we didn’t know which of these two we were for some time. We even broke up before we realized that it was more than adrenaline and wanting a warm body beside you, the thing we got between us,” she takes a swing from her glass and Finn thinks that is an excellent idea that he should follow with his own drink. “We got married in the middle of the war and some would frown at that but_ we know this is it! _” Her grin becomes more serious and she says: “I hope you and Poe get to experience that as well.”_

_Finn is so flabbergasted by that statement that for a long moment he just stays still and tries to comprehend the words. Him and Poe? Experience_ that _?_

_Experience_ what _?_

_Marriage? Breaking up before realizing they are meant to be?_

_Why would they experience any of these?_

_His confused brain starts to compose questions but before he gets to articulate any of them, Jessika pushes herself in between Finn and Karé and starts talking about astromechs._

Finn blinks a couple of times, dazedly, as the memory bounces around his aching head. Did Karé really imply that Poe and him are like her and Snap? Finn feels heat spread over his face. He can’t deny he has been thinking about Poe in different terms than about any of his other friends.

Only with Poe did he catch himself wanting to be so close all the time, enjoying simply listening to his voice even when Finn didn’t understand a thing from the pilot’s rant about u-wing engines, seeking excuses to touch him, looking away embarrassed upon realizing he’s been staring too long, thinking about kissing him…

He has never kissed anyone. Among the stormtroopers there was only quick getting each other off in abandoned corners of the base with no affectionate gestures. Everyone pretended to look the other way as long as there were no attachments or feelings that may compromise anyone’s service. Finn never thought much of it back then. He never really wanted to kiss anyone.

Until now.

Finn thinks his headache is somehow getting worse but then realizes the amplified pounding in his head is just the rush of blood in his ears from his furiously beating heart.

Is this _it_? The way he feels when thinking about Poe? The things he wants to experience only with Poe?

Is he in love with Poe Dameron?

Finn swears out loud, burying his face in the pillow.

“Excellent timing, you dumbass,” he murmurs at himself.

жжж

****

**_Now_ **

The first thing Luke does after entering the interrogation room is uncuffing Poe from the table and leaving him unrestrained. Poe has been staring at the Jedi with suspicion the moment the man has arrived but after that gesture there’s open disbelief in his wide eyes. But he doesn’t try to do anything stupid, only stares as Luke takes the empty chair and moves it to Poe’s side of the table so that they can sit next to each other.

“Move your chair so that we are face to face,” Luke instructs, taking his seat.

“Are you Luke Skywalker?” Poe asks but complies with the command.

“Yes,” Luke confirms. “You have agreed for me to bring your memory back but you must know that if the wish for it isn’t really there inside you, this is not going to work.”

Poe lets out a deep sigh and says the next words so quietly that Finn can barely hear him in the observation room: “I want this.”

Luke nods. “It would make it easier if I could touch you,” he lifts his hands with palms open, his metallic prosthesis glinting slightly in the faint light of the interrogation room, and Poe mirrors the gesture, putting his hands onto the Jedi’s. “Close your eyes.”

Time seems to slow down to an unbearably slow pace once again as both Luke and Poe frown with effort, their joined hands shaking slightly.

Then there are tears pooling at the corners of Poe’s eyes and as the first one falls along the scar on his cheek, he lets out a loud gasp and then a murmured: “No, no, no–”

Finn puts his hands on the transparisteel taking a step forward, as if somehow getting closer would make it clearer what is happening. Is it working or is it hurting Poe?

Poe’s eyes open abruptly and he recoils from the Jedi as if their touch burned him. The movement is so sudden that Poe falls from his chair but then continues to back away from Luke even when splayed on the floor. He only stops once his back hits the wall. He’s breathing heavily, his hands tugging on his hair as he curls onto himself.

“Oh no, what have I done?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There has been an unexpected addition of tags to this fic but it won’t affect the main finnpoe plot and well… I got hit by a Rogue One phase recently and I couldn’t help myself and decided to add my boy Bodhi who totally survived the battle on Scarif and is now an ex-Imperial Rebellion hero that Finn can relate to! There will be more of him in the next chapter so I hope there are at least some of you excited for that :')
> 
> The story about the Force tree is from the comic book “Shattered Empire”.
> 
> As always, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hoodedmiho) and [tumblr](http://missmho.tumblr.com/) if you want to scream about beautiful space boys together :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goose, I actually managed to update in a week! I started having doubts after I hit a 5k count and still had more to write – the chapters keep spiraling out of my control lately. But as you can see from the updated chapter count, the next one will be the last! 
> 
> Thank all of you who keep reading and commenting and leaving kudos – I love y'all! c:
> 
> I know many of you like the "Before/Now" dual timeline but this chapter and the next will be more linear now since in the previous update the "Before" timeline has caught up with the "Now" timeline from the first chapter ;) I hope you'll still enjoyed it!

**_Now_ **

Finn tries to run into the interrogation room but he’s stopped by the two guards by the door, holding him and repeating that they were ordered by Master Skywalker not to let anyone in. Finn has to remind himself the guards are not his enemy when his mind supplies him with ways to pacify them so that they would let him go. Fortunately, their scuffle doesn’t last too long because Luke himself opens the door to the interrogation room.

“Let me see him!”

Luke puts a hand on Finn’s shoulder in a calming gesture. “I have put Poe to sleep,” he explains. “His brain was flooded with a lot of information that needs to be sorted out before he does anything reckless. When he wakes up tomorrow, we’ll know for sure if everything is back as it should.”

All of the emotions that were just buzzing inside of Finn seem to drain from him in seconds. Only then Luke takes a step to the side and allows Finn to enter the interrogation room. Poe is still on the floor with his knees hugged to his chest, sleeping almost peacefully.

“We should move him,” Finn says, his voice strained. “Can he come back to his quarters now?”

“I’m sorry, Finn,” it’s Leia who answers as she joins him in the room, looking at Poe with concern. “We don't know yet if the procedure was fully successful. As much as I hate it, he’ll have to stay in the cell until then.”

Finn nods in understanding, though his fists clench and unclench a couple of times – the complications just keep piling up when he thinks they’re finally arriving at the solution of all this mess. Leia gestures to the guards to move Poe back to his cell and Finn can only observe, feeling useless, as they leave and Poe disappears from his sight again.

Finn doesn’t object when Rey takes his hand and pulls him out of the interrogation room. On the staircase leading to the cell corridor, they meet Jessika, Karé, and Snap waiting impatiently for the result of the Force treatment. Finn shortly introduces everyone to Rey and then explains what happened. The pilots seem equally aggravated at the lack of clear outcome but there’s nothing else any of them can do now.

The pilots propose getting dinner together and Finn realizes that in his selfishness he forgot to give Rey a chance to eat anything since her arrival. They walk to the canteen, Rey swiftly becoming the center of attention as a newcomer to the group, but Finn can barely follow the conversation. Fortunately, his friends seem understanding enough that they stop trying to involve him in the banter after they have to repeat a question for him a couple of times and he only gives them a short distracted answer. He’s glad not to be completely alone but he can’t find himself focusing on anything beside Poe still confined in the cell.

Evening comes simultaneously too quickly – Finn isn’t even sure what he was doing for the rest of the day after he left Poe – and too slowly – since all he can think about is learning whether the Force treatment worked and for that he must _wait_ for tomorrow that’s unfairly far away.

Rey walks him to his room before retreating to the Falcon for the evening.

“Try to get some sleep,” Rey says to him, staring at him perceptively. “I’ll have to do some training with Master Luke tomorrow, he said I can’t slack off for another day, but if you need me don’t hesitate to find me, okay?”

Finn gives her a grateful smile. “Thank you,” he says and hugs her goodbye.

Once inside the room, the events of the whole day pin him down again, the weight returning to his shoulders like an uninvited guest. Finn removes his jacket and only once he leans down to take off his shoes and actually sees the ring dangling from his neck, does he remember that he’s still wearing it at all.

Now that it has served its purpose today, Finn feels uncomfortable wearing it once more. It’s not his place to have it. He pulls it off his neck and puts it on the little table between their beds on Poe’s side. The blue light of the holo-clock glitters on the chains surface and it reminds him of all these times Finn and Poe had talked in the night and the pilot fiddled with the ring. Stars, if Poe doesn’t come back after Luke’s help…

Finn falls onto his bed, tired and uneasy. The moment he’s off his feet, the exhaustion hits him much harder than he expected and he feels his eyes closing. He deliriously decides to skip changing into something more comfortable and any other preparation for sleeping if he is about to actually get any rest at all.

He’s almost out when he hears the door to the room hiss open and he springs up into a sitting position abruptly – but it’s only BB-8. The astromech has been wandering around the hangars and helping with ship diagnostics to fill the days without Poe.

“Hi there, BeeBee,” Finn says, the adrenaline from droid’s sudden entrance already in decline. He doesn’t know why he reacted this badly, it’s not like BB-8 is always first in the room when Finn returns…

It’s not like in his half-sleeping state he expected to see Poe walk in and say his name.

The droid rolls to Finn’s bed and asks about Poe’s meeting with Luke. When Finn’s finished recounting what happened, BB-8 just lets out a sad long beep and goes to the charging station to shut off for the night.

Finn lies back down and wishes for the sleep to come easily as it almost did before but he already feels that he lost the chance. His mind is running too fast, coming up with possibilities and overanalyzing past situations – keeping the sleep away.

Frustrated, Finn gets up and leaves for the gym. Looks like he’d have to physically tire himself out so much that he passes out, _again._

ж

“I want to be there when he wakes up.”

Leia’s expression is enough for him to know that he won’t get that permission right away so Finn continues before she can speak. “I can handle myself if he tries anything, I think the bruise on his face is enough of a proof of that,” the words taste bitter on his tongue but he is ready to use all possible arguments.

Something in Leia’s gaze shifts in a way that Finn can’t handle and he looks down at his feet. He waits for a long moment but when the silence stretches, he finally lifts his eyes back at the General, putting all of his determination into his gaze.

Leia breathes out a sigh and then a reluctant: “Okay. I’ll inform the guard to let you in.”

“Thank you,” he says with raw honesty but she huffs in response, as if annoyed at her own compliance to his request, and dismisses him. Finn almost runs out to rush to the prison corridor.

But he’s already late.

When Finn enters the cell, Poe is awake, sitting on the small bed. He’s leaning on the wall with his feet resting at the edge of the cot, his knees tucked to his chest.

The moment their eyes meet, Finn has to take a step back to have the support of the wall against his back because seeing those brown eyes is enough for him to know that his Poe has returned and a terrible weight seems to leave his shoulders so suddenly that he feels unsteady on his feet for a second.

“ _Finn_ ,” Poe says his name like a prayer but only a heartbeat later he winces and breathes out heavily as if he's in physical pain. “I’m so sorry–”

Finn doesn’t let him finish. He regains the control of his limbs and approaches the cot to squat down by its edge to be more on level with Poe.

“You’re not going to apologize for anything, it was all _their_ fault. They brainwashed you. None of it was your doing, Poe.”

Poe’s eyes pool with unshed tears and he takes in a shaky breath. Finn really wants to embrace him but he’s not sure if Poe even wants to be touched considering the state he’s in. So he waits for the pilot to regain his composure, just letting himself take in the situation. It still feels a bit like a dream, it still doesn’t fully register in his mind that Poe is finally back.

“Finn, you don’t have to be here…” Poe is not looking at him when he speaks next. “Just because I supported you in getting on your own feet after you came here, it doesn’t mean you owe me anything.”

“Do _you_ not want me here”? Finn asks instead of arguing that he owes Poe so much.

The pilot takes a moment to answer and thankfully decides to be honest.

“I do want you here, Finn.”

“Great, because I want to be here with you, too.”

Poe finally looks up at that, his expression full of gratitude. A shadow of a smile appears on his lips and Finn missed him _so much_.

“Is it okay if I sit next to you?”

In response, Poe scoots a bit to the side, making more space between himself and the end of the bed. Finn moves to take it, sitting close enough to the pilot that their sides touch. Poe puts his head on Finn’s shoulder, leaning into him and Finn sags in relief.

“I know you’ve said I shouldn’t apologize but… I _need to_ …” Poe says and there’s an edge to his voice that stops Finn from interrupting him again. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve said in that room.”

“I’m sorry for punching you,” he counters. Finn can feel Poe shake his head in disagreement against his shoulder.

“I did ask for that.”

“I’m still sorry. It just felt so wrong to…”

A heavy silence falls between them and Finn can’t stand it after only a few seconds pass.

“But it was a very _you_ thing to do, just running off like that. A hot-headed flyboy even in black.”

Finn gets a huffed out short laugh from Poe at that and breathes a little easier.

Before any of them can say anything more, the door to the cell opens and Luke joins them inside.

“I can see everything is back in place,” the Jedi comments looking at them sitting together on the bed. “But I would still like to examine you, if that’s okay, Poe?”

ж

When Poe is cleared by Luke, the idea that they really have him back starts fully settling in Finn’s mind. It feels almost imprudent to simply accept the truth he wished for so badly.

Luke leaves them to undertake Rey’s training for the day but before Poe can attend to anything else, he must also be checked out by the medical. Finn walks him there and stays by the pilot’s side just as he promised…

Until he’s kicked out for hovering.

For a long moment, he’s simply walking away from the medcenter without a destination in mind. Doctor Basch yelled at Finn to go take a walk so he just followed the order and now he’s outside and he doesn’t really know what to do.

He thinks of Rey and remembers her mentioning being busy with Luke. Finn decides that witnessing a Jedi training would definitely be an interesting way of distracting himself for some time.

It takes him a few tries to find them but he finally comes across a clearing not that deep into the woods that the Jedi elected to occupy for today’s exercise. He sees Rey using her stick, trying to lay a punch on the older man but Luke is avoiding all her attacks with ease.

Finn doesn’t want to interrupt the training so he decides to find a place nearby to sit and watch – and that’s when he realizes he’s not the only observer. There’s a man sitting next to a nearby tree, there are tools strewn around him and Finn sees him picking a screwdriver up and focusing on the piece of equipment in his lap. This time Finn has no issue recognizing Bodhi Rook. He decides that maybe meeting the legendary pilot will be a good distraction from another pilot that’s currently occupying his mind.

“Do you mind?” Finn asks, gesturing to the space next to the man. Bodhi looks up and smiles.

“Not at all. You’re Finn, right? We haven’t got a chance to be introduced yet,” he puts down the device he’s working on and extends his hand when Finn takes his seat on the ground next to the tools. “I’m Bodhi.”

“I know, it’s an honour to meet you,” Finn takes his hand and doesn’t really manage to contain the excitement in his voice. Bodhi waves at him dismissively as if it’s no big deal.

“I used to be a stormtrooper,” he explains, not expecting that Bodhi Rook will know anything more about him besides the fact that he’s Rey’s friend. “I’ve been catching up on history since I realized that most of the things I know were definitely censored one way or another by the First Order,” Finn doesn’t want to fully geek out at the older man but he feels the need for Bodhi to _understand._ “And reading about you and other people who defected the Empire and later became heroes of the Rebellion… It helped me keep going and believe I can be a part of something better, too.”

A tender smile appears on Bodhi’s face and he scratches at his beard almost embarrassedly.

“I’m glad I could be that for you then,” he says finally. “We’ve been away for so long, I guess I never took into consideration that what we did back then can inspire next generations.”

Finn catches light reflecting on a piece of metal somewhere next to Bodhi’s left ankle and at first he assumes it’s just one of the tools strewn about, but when he looks closer he realizes it is the metal of the pilot’s prosthetic leg. It’s easy to forget that – while Bodhi is now one of the heroes of the last war, one of those who came out on top in the end – they all paid the price for that victory at one point or another.

“When I defected, at first I just continued to run away blindly just for the sake of escaping, but then when I stumbled into the Resistance… I didn’t know if I’ll ever be able to truly belong here.”

“Some part of you will always remember the past on the other side, I wish I could tell you otherwise,” Bodhi confesses bitterly. “But having people who appreciate you can make you forget about that part most of the time,” he adds with a smile and then nods towards the training Jedi. “I assume you came to see Rey?”

“I was looking for a distraction, I guessed that either talking to Rey or seeing her do Jedi training will be a good one,” Finn admits. “Poe is being examined now, I was kicked out by Doctor Basch because apparently I’m too distracting with my pacing so I’m supposed to ‘cool off somewhere else’.”

“Luke told me that he was able to bring your pilot back. I’m really happy for that even if I didn’t have a chance to meet him, this is an important win in hard times. But I can’t help and selfishly be happy for Luke, too,” Bodhi reveals abashedly. “Training Rey has already helped but such a victory will restore more faith in him.”

Finn looks curiously over at the training Jedi. He never learned the reason why Luke Skywalker was in exile but even after Bodhi’s honesty just now he doesn’t really feel like it’s his place to pry more into the topic.

“I’m sorry, have I overshared?” Bodhi laughs. “It’s been a while since I’ve had so many people around. And well, you’re easy to talk to, Finn. I can just hope I’m as good of a distraction as Rey would be.”

“‘I’m really enjoying talking with you, too,” Finn assures the other man. “Meeting you has been a welcoming alternative since I couldn’t have stayed with Poe.”

Bodhi looks at him for a longer moment, visibly considering something. When he finally speaks, it’s nothing Finn expected.

“From what I have gathered about Poe Dameron… Don’t let him leave you behind, Finn,” Bodhi’s voice is kind but serious. “These hot-headed hero types…” He scoffs. “They keep on punishing themselves for things they can’t control. Don’t let him push you away.”

Finn swallows with difficulty, his chest suddenly too full of emotions.

“When Luke decided to go into exile, he almost left me behind,” Bodhi sounds angry even though it must have happened years ago. “If I didn’t know him as well as I did by then, he would have. But I knew he was planning something stupid, caught him sneaking away…” The pilot sighs deeply, staring at Luke explaining something to Rey as she’s trying to catch her breath. “I had to make him realize that he was hurting me as well, had to shout at him that he can brood on whatever remote planet however much he wants but I’m going with him whether he likes it or not.”

Finn almost gasps at the visual of Bodhi, the kind man he’s been talking to, yelling down a legendary Jedi and bending him to his will.

“We’re not like you and Luke, though,” Finn doesn’t want to sound miserable but he can hear it in his voice himself. “I will be by his side as long as he wants me but…”

He knows Bodhi is right – what he said about the ‘hot-headed hero types’. But could Finn really change Poe’s mind if he shut himself off, the way Bodhi did to Luke?

But Bodhi smiles slightly as if he knew something more than him and Finn forgets whatever he wanted to say next.

“So far it seems like only doctors stand in your way,” Bodhi jokes. “But keep in mind what I said. Our lives are difficult enough without ourselves sabotaging whatever happiness and support we can get while at war.”

“Speaking of, I think I’ll check out whether Doctor Basch is done with Poe.” Finn lets an honest wide smile spread over his lips as he says next: “I’m really glad I’ve met you.”

“Likewise. I hope we’ll get to talk again,” Bodhi reciprocates his smile.

Finn doesn’t tell him that in his mind Bodhi is now even more of a hero just because he thinks the man would just dismissively wave it off again.

He’s so lost in thought, going through his conversation with Bodhi in his mind, that he almost bumps into Leia on her way out of medcenter.

“They’re almost done,” she says, nodding in the direction of Doctor Basch’s office. “It’s good to have him back.” They exchange relieved smiles at that, not needing to say anything more.

“He’ll need some more time to get back on his feet,” Leia sighs. “I’ll prolong your leave from the infantry for a few more days. He’ll need you.”

Finn automatically feels like protesting, inherent sense of duty joining with doubt whispering in his ear that he’s not the right person to be by Poe’s side, but then he remembers Poe still in that cell.

‘ _I do want you here, Finn.’_

“Unless you–?” Leia must see the conflict in him but stops when Finn shakes his head.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

This time when Finn enters the medcenter, he finds a place to just stand by the wall and be the opposite of distracting. He doesn’t see Poe or Doctor Basch anywhere in the main examination area but with what Leia said, he just assumes they are in one of the medical rooms.

Finn’s theory is proven true when a couple of minutes later they both leave through a door with Doctor Basch’s name on it. The Doctor nods in approval at Finn’s inconspicuous position by the wall, says something quietly to Poe, and then retreats back to her office.

Poe approaches him, there’s a small smile that appeared on the pilot’s lips once he spotted Finn but Finn can see the tension in his shoulders, the uncertainty that seems to be in every step he takes.

“So you’re all cleared?” Finn asks even though it should be self-explanatory considering there are no guards dragging Poe back downstairs. The realization that he’s the person who’s supposed to be helping Poe get back on his feet after being brainwashed by the First Order suddenly hits him, finally breaking through the relief that was dulling everything else inside Finn since he entered that cell in the morning. He feels terrifyingly unqualified. Yes, he was brainwashed by the First Order as well but their situation’s are entirely too different to rely on his own experience. There was no Force involved. He didn’t have anything to go back to after defecting. Then he had Rey and Poe… So he just needs to be a friend that Poe can rely on, right? Doctor Basch has everything else under control.

Right?

“All cleared,” Poe confirms but he doesn’t sound very triumphant about it. “I can go wherever I want – well, around the base at least. No flying for me yet.”

Finn nods, taking the information in.

“Do you want to go share the news with the rest? Jess, Karé, and Snap have been waiting…”

Finn doesn’t finish when something akin to fear crosses Poe’s face at the mention of other pilots. At first, Finn feels utterly confused. These are his friends, why would he be terrified of seeing them? Out of people that Poe has spat at in his brainwashed state, he already talked with Finn and Leia, and Karé was the only pilot that entered the interrogation room in the end.

Then it finally clicks, his mind goes back to Poe’s first day here after being retrieved from the First Order. Poe’s TIE-fighter has shot down two x-wings before Jess, Karé, and Snap managed to stop him.

Finn knows that the information who was in that TIE-fighter is still classified to most of the Resistance and that Poe’s friends who are aware of it won’t hold it against him. They’ve all seen it wasn’t really their Poe piloting back then.

Finn also knows that Poe doesn’t see it that way right now. The fear he’s just seen in the pilot's eyes is enough of a proof that the guilt is clouding his judgment.

“Let’s go to our room, you can take a shower and change into your own clothes?” Finn offers instead and Poe looks down at himself, taking in the t-shirt and sweatpants set that is standard issued for work out and which he has been wearing since the TIE-fighter pilot uniform was taken from him.

“Okay, that sounds good,” Poe looks relieved and Finn counts that as a small win that he managed to contain the situation. For now.

They walk in silence and thankfully they don’t cross paths with many people and no one tries to accost them. But the moment they enter the room, BB-8 lets out a loud sequence of beeps and chirps and rolls into Poe’s legs almost knocking him over.

“I missed you, too, buddy!” Poe kneels next to the droid rubbing its sides affectionately, and Finn just stands next to them taking in the scene. There’s an honest grin on Poe’s face, one Finn hasn’t seen since before the pilot left for that damned mission.

His hot-headed flyboy Poe is buried somewhere there under the guilt and the First Order’s manipulation and Finn will do everything he can to help him come back up.

ж

After a shower and change of clothes, Poe sits down on his bed and takes in his surroundings and Finn uses this moment to take in Poe in turn. He looks even more like himself in an outfit that is not just standard issued clothes and with his still damp hair trying to curl wherever they can even though they still didn’t fully grow out after the First Order’s buzzcut. Nevertheless, the scar is still there across Poe’s cheek and always will be to remind them of all this. Finn can only be thankful that at least the bruise on the other side of the pilot’s face will finally fade soon and he’ll stop wincing at its sight.

Poe’s examination of the room stops abruptly as he notices his mom’s ring on the bedside table. He reaches as if to take it but he stops halfway and puts his hand down. Finn doesn’t know how to interpret what just happened.

“I’m grounded for flying missions for now,” Poe offers. “But Leia said I will be assigned to training new pilots. We needed to recruit some new people,” his voice cracks a little at the last sentence. Is he thinking of the pilots he shot down while still being brainwashed? Finn doesn’t feel like he should ask.

Why does everyone think he should be the person by Poe’s side right now? He’s useless, just as he was back in that interrogation room.

“Do you want to go meet the others? They’ve been waiting for news since yesterday but I didn’t want to comm them before you were ready.”

Poe stares at the floor for a moment, working through the proposition with a deep frown.

“Okay, yeah,” he gets up from the bed abruptly, as if any delay now would change his mind. He looks as if he was getting ready to be scolded by a commanding officer and not see his friends. Does Poe really expect them to hate him for what happened?

Finn takes Poe’s hand and walks them out of the door. The pilot gasps in surprise at the first touch but once they’re on their way and Finn considers letting go, Poe’s grasp tightens.

Finn doesn’t feel like Poe would appreciate making a scene in the canteen in the state he’s in now so he commandeers the first empty meeting room he comes across and comms the location to the rest of the pilots. Poe is leaning against the wall, nervously running his hand through his hair, the other is still clutching Finn’s.

Judging by their heavy breaths once they enter the room, the pilots have been running.

“Poe, you kriffing idiot!” Karé is the first to say anything after they arrive and Poe’s hand twitches nervously in Finn’s grasp. But then the blonde pilot crosses the room and pulls Poe into a tight hug. Finn lets go of Poe’s hand, taking a step back to give the pilots space for their reunion, and watches as Jessika and Snap join into the embrace. They’re all talking at once – cursing Poe’s readiness to jump into whatever mission is thrown his way, saying how much they missed him, teasing him about the short hair, and at least one of them is crying. Finn sees tears in Poe’s eyes too, once they all give themselves a little bit of space from the hug, but there’s also an affectionate smile on his lips and Finn sighs with relief.

Karé leaves the still chattering circle of pilots to approach Finn and, before he knows it, he’s being pulled into a hug as well.

“Thank you for bringing him back,” Karé murmurs into his ear.

“I didn’t do anything, it’s all thanks to Luke,” he retorts even though he gladly reciprocates the embrace. He hears Karé scoff at his answer in disbelief but before they can continue the discussion, Jessika grabs them to join the rest.

Poe’s smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes yet but Finn can no longer see the fear that haunted him back in the medcenter.

He’ll be okay. Finn knows he’ll be. Eventually.

ж

Poe is surprised the next morning when Finn informs him he has no infantry duties to attend to and they can spend the day together but he doesn’t question it any further. Poe’s only engagement is his daily session with Doctor Basch – he’s supposed to visit her every day for a talk about his progress with accommodating back into the Resistance before he’s cleared to go on any missions. Finn walks him to the medcenter after breakfast and decides he’ll send himself for a walk before he’s accused of being a menace to the medical staff again.

When he finds Rey this time, she’s meditating with Luke nearby the Falcon. Luke allows them half an hour to catch up before the Jedi move on to the next part of the training.

They sit shoulder to shoulder on the Falcon’s ramp and Finn talks excitedly about having Poe back but his worries can’t hide from Rey even if he doesn’t put them into words.

“He needs time,” she says once Finn falls silent after recounting the meeting with the pilots and anxiety hits him as he recalls Poe’s initial fear of the reunion.

“I know,” Finn takes a deep breath. “I just feel like I’m not the right person to get him through this.”

“I know that you are doing your best and Poe knows that too. He knows he can count on you and that’s the most important thing now,” she says firmly.

“When did you get so wise, Rey the Jedi,” Finn jokes to relieve the tension but then he nudges her side with his elbow and admits: “I’m so glad you’re still here.”

“We won’t be leaving that soon,” Rey beams, sharing the news. “Master Luke and Leia want some more time together and my current training can go on here. Also, Bodhi is happy to be among people again and I know that also added to Master Luke’s decision,” she winks and then giggles.

“I met Bodhi yesterday,” Finn reports gleefully. “He’s great. Maybe I’ll get to talk to him again if you’re all staying for now.”

“Someone is starstruck,” Rey teases him, bumping her shoulder into his. “But I agree, Bodhi is great and a hero to have endured all these years in exile with Master Luke.”

“Don’t let Luke hear that,” a third voice joins and they both turn around to see Bodhi standing next to the ramp with a playful smile. “Luke told me to fetch you, it’s been thirty seven minutes.”

Rey jumps to her feet and runs towards the woods, yelling her goodbye to Finn.

“I’m going to the base to ask about some parts, want to walk with me?” Bodhi offers and Finn is up and ready to go as fast as Rey was seconds ago.

ж

Finn’s brain apparently didn’t fully catch up with all the updates to the situation since Poe has been back for two days and Finn can’t sleep again. He really thought it would stop now that he has the pilot back, hearing his steady breathing across the room. Finn is going back to drills with his infantry unit again tomorrow while Poe starts his own training with new pilots so he should really get as much rest as possible. His prolonged absence is enough of a drawback, he’s still new to the infantry and he disappeared from the unit after their first battle. He really wanted to be as ready as possible for any challenge tomorrow.

After enough time wastes away while his brain doesn’t stop for long enough to accomplish falling asleep, Finn decides to go for his already tested method and sneaks out to go to the gym.

The training room is empty as always at this hour and Finn comfortably follows his routine. After a warm up, he lets his body fall into the familiar movements: punches, kicks, and dodges against an imaginary opponent. As always during his night training, he pushes himself to the limits, every motion calculated but also with much more strength put into it than necessary. Finn’s muscles start burning with the strain and he doesn’t slow the pace. A little bit more and maybe he’ll be able to drag himself back to bed and catch at least a few restless hours of sleep just to go through the next day.

He doesn’t hear anyone enter the room through his own heavy breathing as much as he feels the presence. He finishes the set of movements so that he doesn’t lose the momentum but then he stops before going into the next sequence and turns towards the door.

Finn stares dumbfoundedly, trying to catch his breath, at Poe lingering by the door looking out of place with his droid by his side. Finn starts wondering whether he actually collapsed from exhaustion already and this is his weird dream.

BB-8 bumps into the pilot’s leg and Poe walks deeper into the room, towards Finn. They meet halfway and for a moment they both just stand there as Poe stares at Finn, his gaze jumping all over Finn’s arms, chest, his face…

“Everything alright?” Finn asks when the silence stretches.

“I woke up and you were gone, I just didn’t… BeeBeeAte brought me here…” Poe tries to justify himself as if he was a child who did something forbidden and Finn doesn’t understand why he would need to explain himself for this.

BB-8 says something that Finn makes two words out of (‘Poe’ and ‘panic’) and rolls out of the room before any of them can say anything to that. Poe calls the droid _a kriffing traitor_ under his breath and turns back to Finn.

“I don’t know why I… I shouldn’t have disturbed you, I’ll just go back to bed,” Poe blurts out hurriedly and apologetically and starts backing out of the room.

Bodhi’s words echo in Finn’s head: ‘ _They keep on punishing themselves for things they can’t control. Don’t let him push you away.’_

Finn jumps after Poe, stops him with a touch to his shoulder.

“Wait, it’s okay,” he doesn’t really have any arguments ready to keep the pilot from running away, but for now Poe ceases his retreat and Finn breathes out a relieved sigh. “Can we just sit down first, I think I overdid it,” he admits, flopping to the floor where he stands, leaning back on his arms and enjoying the fact that he doesn’t have to keep himself vertical anymore. Poe hesitates for a couple of seconds but in the end he takes a seat next to Finn, crossing his legs on the floor.

“Sorry I’ve sneaked out like that. I’ve been coming here whenever I can’t sleep,” Finn explains.

Poe rubs his face with his hands tiredly. “That time when I was… The other me… It all feels like a bad dream sometimes. I forget that life went on for all of you when I was rotting in my own head.”

“Well, you didn’t miss much beside my insomnia.” Finn shrugs. Truly nothing significant changed in Finn’s life in Poe’s absence beside his sleeping problems and comprension that he’s in love with Poe. But he’s not going to update the pilot on the latter.

Poe ponders the words for a moment and then a realization blooms on his face.

“You’ve been visiting me everyday down there. I never really thanked you, did I?”

“For winding you up all that time?” Finn scoffs. “We thought we could help with your memory if we talked about your life but it was all useless in the end.”

Poe shakes his head, almost distressed.

“Finn,” he says his name in a way that makes Finn’s heart speed up again after it just calmed from his training. “Without you I would have never agreed for Luke Skywalker to do anything to my mind. I would still be down there, believing I belong to the First Order.”

Finn stares at him in disbelief and Poe moves closer to sit right next to him. He puts his hand on Finn’s with a barely there touch.

“You are important to me, Finn, I need you to know that,” Poe says in a firm voice. He opens his mouth as if to say something more but stops himself. He moves as if to withdraw his hand and Finn catches it.

“You’re important to me, too, Poe.”

The moment feels intimate in a way that makes Finn’s chest ache, making it difficult to breathe. But there’s something in Poe’s posture and his eyes, something defensive, that stops Finn from saying anything more.

“We should go back to our room. You’re starting the training tomorrow! Must get that beauty sleep to charm the fresh pilots.”

The moment is gone but Poe snorts at him with a small smile. The pilot gets to his feet and extends his hand to Finn to help him get up.

“Let’s go.”

ж

Since they started sharing a room, Finn has already experienced being woken up by Poe’s nightmares. But tonight is the first time since Poe’s return and it’s different. Worse.

Poe is thrashing in his bed, murmuring something intelligible with tears running down his cheeks. For a few seconds, Finn just stares at the pilot, frozen by the dawning realization of his own helplessness. He approaches Poe’s bed and prays to the Force that he doesn’t do anything that will make the matters worse. He kneels next to the pilot and puts a hand on his shoulder, repeating Poe’s name in a soft voice. Finn can only be grateful that he hasn’t been tempted to go to the gym to fight his insomnia for the last few days. Did Poe also had a nightmare that night he came looking for him?

“Come back to me, Poe, you’re alright…”

It takes an excruciatingly long minute for Poe to open his eyes. At first when his gaze meets Finn’s there’s just confusion and horror on his face, but after a heartbeat the recognition comes and Poe lets out a miserable whine and lifts his hands to cover his face.

“I’ve shot them down, I felt _satisfaction_ seeing their x-wings explode, how can I ever fly with my Squadron now,” Poe is mumbling through the hands and from his irregular breathing Finn knows he’s still crying. Poe still hasn’t spoken about that battle to Finn, not directly, but now it’s not the time for talking it through when the pilot is falling apart in front of him.

Finn doesn’t let his own doubts win this time and gets close to the pilot and gathers him in a tight embrace. Poe clings to him instantly, burying his face in the other man’s shoulder, his hands clenching the back of Finn’s sleeping shirt.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Finn says, keeping his voice soft in the darkness but also applying a confident tone that raises no objections. “Everyone knows that. That blood is on the First Order’s hands. No one blames you.”

Poe’s breathing is still shaky but Finn hears no more sobs. He strokes Poe’s back in comfort, the way Rey did for him during their walk together. That conversation already seems to have happened so long ago while it has been mere days.

Somehow, without talking, they synchronize their movements in the darkness and without letting go of each other, they both lay down on Poe’s bed. It’s a tight fit but Finn couldn’t care less about barely balancing half of his body on the edge of the bed when he has Poe curling into his embrace, his head tucked into Finn’s chest. Poe has mostly calmed down, his breathing back to normal, save for an occasional sniff. Finn is waiting for the pilot to fall asleep soon – as he’s been quiet and unmoving for a while – and he’s ready to watch over him for the rest of the night like this.

“I was supposed to help _you_ find your place in the Resistance and now I’m pretty much useless,” Poe speaks without preamble when Finn is almost sure he’s asleep. “I’m the opposite of a support right now.”

Finn allows himself a little shift in his hug, making it just the slightest bit firmer.

“Poe, you already did so much for me,” Finn is suddenly happy he can’t see the pilot’s face. He’s not sure if he would be able to say it all if it wasn’t for the darkness enveloping them and the treacherous comfort of their embrace. “You don’t have to be strong all the time… And I already have found my place, I have a purpose but I also know my priorities now.” Bracing for his next words, he feels for a moment as if he was back on the Finalizer after his failure during the mission on Jakku – knowing that he has to take a risk but having no way of even trying to calculate the odds. “What I really want is to be by your side. If you want me to.”

It’s not a straightforward confession but it still feels like a milestone. Finn’s heart jumps to his throat when Poe starts wiggling in the embrace.

But the pilot doesn’t escape Finn’s arms, he just changes their position a bit so that he is now face to face with the other man. Finn feels heat blooming in his cheeks the second Poe’s eyes are on his. He budges instinctively, as if to run, and Poe’s hand grasps his bicep decisively, keeping him in place.

“I’m a bit of a mess right now,” Poe’s laugh sounds hollow and there’s that defensiveness back in his eyes, the same one he’s seen back in the training room. “You sure you want to get mixed up with _this_? I won’t think of you any less if you back away.”

Finn just stares at the pilot for a moment. The idea alone that he’s giving Finn a way out, as if there was no question whether _Poe wants him_ , as if Finn would ever give up having him in his life, is incredulous.

“It’s far too late to even try,” Finn admits. “I didn’t back away when you didn’t remember my name and now we are–” he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. He can barely sort through his own thoughts and feelings about Poe in his own head and now that he’s speaking about it all out loud, it quickly becomes too much. Now that he’s no longer on alert about Poe’s breakdown, their closeness becomes distracting and overwhelming.

Then Poe is even closer. He stills for a second once there’s barely a distance between their faces, giving Finn a chance to back away, and then finally their mouth touch. Finn lets out a quiet whimper as _Poe_ is _kissing him_ gently and the warmth of the pilot’s lips seems to spread down his whole body. It doesn’t take long for Finn to want more after the first taste and he tries to deepen the kiss, hoping he doesn’t do anything wrong, but Poe just smiles against his lips and takes the initiative, taking over, sucking on his lips, and showing Finn that kissing can get even more mind melting.

Finn starts squirming in their embrace, not really knowing what he wants beside being impossibly even closer to the pilot. Poe has an answer for that too and turns them around, somehow without making them fall from the bed, so that Finn is lying on his back with Poe sitting on his hips. Finn takes in the view of Poe above him, his eyes dark with desire and an unrestrained smile playing on his mouth, before the pilot leans back down to join their lips again. The weight of Poe’s body feels glorious. The pilot maneuvers Finn’s arms so that he spreads them over his head and then Poe mirrors the position, sliding his hands into Finn’s and entwining their fingers together. Their chests are flushed against each other and Finn feels lightheaded from all the stimulation but that doesn’t stop him from craving more. He can’t stifle a moan once Poe’s tongue slides against his for the first time. Finn is more than eager to learn how to reciprocate with enough passion to draw a moan out of Poe.

He knows it all can’t be a dream because his mind wouldn’t come up with anything this blissful.

But it is still the middle of the night. After the first rush of adrenaline and desire transforms into slow lazy kisses and shared breaths, Poe slides a bit to the side so that he’s not fully on Finn’s chest anymore but still plastered along his body.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” Poe says quietly, his hand resting against the other man’s neck with his thumb stroking slowly along Finn’s jaw.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Finn confesses and Poe’s breath hitches. “No place for affection among the stormtroopers, just getting off…” he blames his brain feeling actually drunk on the pilot’s closeness for admitting all this. “I wanted that first to be you.”

Poe rewards him with another tender kiss for that revelation.

For the first time in what feels like forever, Finn falls asleep fully relaxed and with a small smile curving his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, here we are! They finally kissed :D
> 
> As always, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hoodedmiho) and [tumblr](http://missmho.tumblr.com/) if you want to scream about beautiful space boys together :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! The last update!  
> I'm sorry for a two-week long wait but the pandemic-related stress and anxiety is getting to me and it was hard to focus on writing for too long at once. But we are here at last, woohoo! It's time for the chapter full of the _comfort_ out of that _hurt/comfort_ tag :) Please enjoy!

**_Now_ **

In the morning, when Finn wakes up next to Poe, it feels like he’s still dreaming. What happened between them in the night comes back to Finn’s memory lazily and for a moment it seems unreal. But he’s still in Poe’s bed, the pilot’s head resting on his shoulder and his arm draped over Finn’s chest.

He has to get up first, with his drills starting earlier than Poe’s training. When he tries to untangle himself from Poe, at first the pilot clings to him, still unconscious, and Finn wants nothing more than just to stay like this – in Poe’s embrace with the man sleeping peacefully, worriless. But duty wins in the end.

Throughout the day, Finn is grateful for the strategy practice his unit is focusing on since it’s a good way to occupy his mind and keep him from fixating on what happened between him and Poe. However, there’s no distraction left afterwards.

What if Poe regrets what happened? What if in the light of the day, once he’s no longer emotionally scrambled from the nightmare and seeking comfort, Poe will no longer desire being this close to Finn? Finn can’t stop his brain from piling up these questions on his way to dinner after the drills. During the day, he attends most of his meals with his unit and they usually still talk shop – and when they don’t, no one really asks him about Poe. However in the evenings, he has come to routinely eat with Jess, Karé, Snap – and of course Poe since he returned. Tonight he can’t help but feel his stomach squeeze nervously at the thought of speaking with Poe for the first time since the shift in their relationship last night. Karé and Snap are first in the canteen and Finn takes a seat by their table, trying to look around inconspicuously to see whether Poe has also already arrived.

He doesn’t have to wait long. He has managed to actually get hooked by the story Snap is telling about how a cleaning droid wouldn’t stop following him around today, when Poe suddenly flops on the bench next to Finn and immediately puts his head on Finn’s shoulder, leaning against him heavily, letting out a deep and tired sigh. The pilot doesn’t even have a tray of food with him, he seems content to simply sit there snuggled against Finn.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just tired,” Poe mumbles when Snap stares at him instead of continuing his story. “Go on.”

Snap raises his eyebrows at Poe with an _I’m_ _watching you_ expression but he does resume talking about the malfunctioning droid. Poe starts picking pieces of fresh vegetables off of Finn's tray without changing his position. Finn can feel his jaw working against his shoulder as Poe munches on the snatched pieces of food bit by bit.

Finn is hit by a realization that even though Poe is basically splayed over him, neither Karé nor Snap say anything about them sitting so close. They have always been quite tactile with each other, haven’t they?

But Poe is like that with everyone, isn’t he? The friendly poster boy of the Resistance.

Karé’s words echo in his head, _I hope you and Poe get to experience that as well,_ and Finn frowns with confusion. People have been implying them being together earlier but Finn never took it seriously, just assumed he’s being teased for his puppy love behaviour when he’s around the pilot. Finn just never assumed he’d be wanted by Poe as more than a friend but now after what happened last night… Remembering Poe’s visits at the hospital, how he always puts his arms around Finn whenever they sit close, the jacket, _their_ room – looking back at everything with what Poe said after they kissed ( _I’ve been wanting to do that for so long_ )––

So it looks like Finn was so confused by his own feelings for Poe that he never noticed that the pilot might want more as well?

Finn feels extremely dumb all of a sudden. He doesn’t feel like having an existential crisis in the middle of the canteen but it seems like it’s happening whether he wishes for it or not.

Suddenly, Poe’s comm beeps and it turns out Jessika needs him for something in the hangar. Poe sighs tiredly but promises to arrive soon. At last, he uncurls from his position against Finn and looks at the vegetables he’s been stealing from the tray.

“Will you get me some more? I don’t know how long it will take with whatever Jess wants me for,” he asks Finn with a pleading smile.

“Sure, no problem.”

“Thanks,” Poe says, then leans in to leave a swift kiss on the corner of Finn’s lip and moves to get up from the bench.

First, there’s the clatter of cutlery falling down to the table. Then comes Karé’s voice.

“Poe _kriffing_ Dameron, sit your ass back down or I swear–!”

Poe stops just a step away from the bench, turning to look at Karé with confusion. Then his exhausted eyes widen abruptly, his gaze shifting between Karé and Finn for a moment, and he winces.

“ _Ah_.”

“That’s all?” Karé is staring at Poe with disbelief as if he just announced he’s giving up flying to become a full time loth-cat breeder. “We’ve had to put up with your pining for ages and now you just _kiss Finn_ like it’s totally a thing you do and say nothing?”

“I didn’t– I just wanted to wait for Jess and– I didn’t think–”

“Oh, _that_ we know you don’t do much of,” Snap adds, his eyebrows rising in a somewhat amused glare.

“And you’re no better!” Karé puts up an accusing finger at Finn. “Why didn’t _you_ say anything and just sat there listening to Snap go on about a cleaning droid?!”

“I wasn’t sure if there’s anything to say? I– We– We haven’t really talked since–” he feels his face getting hotter and hotter with every word and looks to Poe for help but the pilot is standing next to the table with his head bowed and looking almost hurt the longer Finn is talking.

“Oh stars, you’re both such useless gays,” Karé throws her hands up, resigned.

Poe sits back on the bench with his back to Karé and Snap, conspicuously ignoring them, and speaks softly so that only Finn can hear him:

“You thought I wouldn’t want to go on with what happened last night?”

Finn can see Poe’s putting on a neutral mask and he hates the fact that the pilot is trying to hide anything. He puts his hand on Poe’s and squeezes it.

“You were shaken after the nightmare, I wasn’t sure if _you’d want_ _me_ once there’s no adrenaline and…”

Poe grabs Finn’s shirt and pulls him in for a short but tender kiss.

“Want to officially be my boyfriend?” he asks, his hot breath tingling Finn’s lips.

At first, Finn feels like teasing and saying he’ll consider the offer. But then he detects doubt in Poe’s brown eyes and remembers him saying last night that he wouldn’t blame Finn for backing out because of what happened with the First Order. So instead he’s simply honest.

“ _Yes_ , very much,” Finn grins, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

Karé sighs loudly, exasperated, and they both turn to look at her.

“You will be unbearably adorable all the time now, huh?” Karé waves between them with the spoon she dropped down earlier.

“Shut up, Kun,” Poe says even though he’s smiling and there’s blush visible on his cheeks. “I gotta go to Jessika.”

“We’re not done, Dameron!” Karé yells after him but she’s grinning, too. She shakes her head in disbelief, her gaze still on Poe walking away. Then she turns back to Finn, her manic smile turning soft. “But in all seriousness, I am really happy for you guys,” she says and Snap nods in agreement. “Took you long enough but– I know you’ll take care of each other and that’s all I want for both of you.”

“Thanks,” Finn’s face is heating up again and he almost feels like squirming under Karé and Snap’s warm gazes. “I’ll go get that food for him.”

“Sure, you go be a good boyfriend,” Snap teases after him and Karé giggles.

Wow. He’s Poe Dameron’s boyfriend now apparently.

He’s putting more vegetables on his plate when he realizes that he should probably tell Rey as well, now that he’s sure this is happening. Fortunately, when he comms her it turns out she was on her way to dinner anyway so she’ll join them soon.

Karé and Snap are practically vibrating with excitement when Rey arrives and Finn starts wondering when his life has become a source of entertainment for the Resistance pilots.

He ignores the voice in his head whispering that the answer is very simple and it happened the moment he got involved with Poe Dameron.

“So, Finn, don’t you have news to share?” Karé prompts after Rey and sits down at their table with her own tray and says hi to everyone with a smile. Rey looks at him expectantly. Maybe he didn’t think it through, inviting Rey to dinner with the rest of his friends, but now he has to go on with it. It was just easier to talk about his feelings for Poe when it was just the two of them among the trees.

“Poe and me, we’re officially together.”

Rey grins and throws her arms around Finn, squeezing him in an enthusiastic embrace.

“I’m so happy for you!”

“And this is how you should do it,” Snap comments once they withdraw from the hug. Rey throws him a questioning look.

“Let me tell you a story about two idiots,” Karé starts with a flair in her voice and Finn groans with embarrassment. But he doesn’t try to stop Karé from reporting what Poe and him just did. He has to own it. But it’s not such a bad price to pay for the warmth in his chest from the joy he’s been feeling since Poe’s last kiss and from Rey’s laugh escaping her lips as she watches Karé and Snap’s reenactment.

ж

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” Doctor Basch gives him a friendly smile when he enters her office and gestures for him to take a seat in the armchair opposite her own.

“I still don’t know what I agreed to,” Finn admits, looking expectantly at the woman.

“I want to talk about Poe,” she crosses her legs and rests a datapad on one knee. “You know I have been monitoring his recovery after the amnesia. I would like to talk with you about how he’s been doing – an everyday outside observation of someone who spends a lot of time with him. It would really help me determine whether Poe is ready to go back to active duty.”

Finn takes a moment to think about it. He wants to be honest with the doctor, he knows she wants what’s the best for them and for the Resistance.

“Sometimes I still catch him just… staring at nothing. He has that look on his face and I know that in his head he’s back in a TIE-fighter or that interrogation room.” Finn sighs, nervously playing with his fingers. “At first it was more often,” he adds hurriedly. “It barely happens now but…”

Doctor Basch nods and takes a note on her datapad.

“I think working with the fresh pilots is really helping him,” Finn shares with the doctor something that has already been on his mind before. “He’ll never forgive himself for shooting down Resistance ships but now that he’s helping train new pilots, it’s a bit like penance, I think.”

There’s a small knowing smile on the doctor’s face and a thought strikes Finn at that sight.

“Leia and you – you did that on purpose, didn’t you? You made Poe work with the recruits.”

Doctor Basch seems pleased when she speaks next: “That was the plan. We knew Poe is not one to simply accept that these deaths are not his toll.” She nods, putting the datapad away. “We can’t take that weight off his shoulders but we can help him make it lighter.”

Finn frowns at his own fidgeting hands. “I wish I could do more to help him.”

“Finn,” Doctor Basch says his name in a way that makes him look up. “You’re doing enough. Since you two got together, I noticed a significant change in him.”

Finn is already taking a breath to protest but she doesn’t allow him as she goes on with her assessment.

“I think the fact that you got involved _after_ the First Order brainwashing means a lot to Poe. Before that disaster, he was a Resistance hero, he knew he’s a person to be desired. But now, he perceives himself as more of a liability. And you – someone who he cares about deeply – chose him anyway.”

Finn never thought of it this way but he trusts Doctor Basch’s judgment. He certainly was wrong before about assessing his importance in Poe’s life.

He has to clear his throat so that his voice doesn’t waver from the feelings welled up in his chest. “Anything else you want to hear about?”

If Doctor Basch notices his small emotional crisis over his boyfriend, she doesn’t comment on it and simply continues with her questions.

ж

Finn looks over the effects of his work, his hands resting on his hips.

He’s alone in the room since his infantry unit had night drills and now he has the afternoon free to sleep it off. It was weird to think about sleeping without Poe by his side, even though it hasn’t been that long since they got together. He thought he would at least appreciate the lack of danger of him falling off – which is a real possibility when they both do their best to fit on a single bed – that was when the idea struck him.

He gazes at the two beds pressed side by side, creating a makeshift double bed, their little table pushed to the corner where Finn used to sleep. After some more thinking, Finn adds a spare blanket to fill in the crevice between the beddings and then nods to himself with approval. This won’t get any better with what they have at their disposal but it should make their rest more comfortable. Why didn’t they think of it earlier? Maybe Karé was right calling them _useless_.

Feeling content with the makeover, Finn finally lies down to get some well-deserved sleep.

He expected to be woken up by the door opening once Poe arrives from his training. However, when Finn lazily opens his eyes hours later, Poe is already there on the other bed, simply laying on his side, using his own arm as a pillow and resting – as if waiting for his boyfriend to wake up.

“Hi,” Finn murmurs, rubbing his eyes.

“I see all that strategy training is not going to waste,” Poe nods at the joined beds.

“You like it?” Finn asks, not able to stifle the little stab of doubt in his chest that he shouldn’t have taken the liberty to make such a decision by himself.

“Yes, we should’ve done it earlier.”

Now that Finn is more awake and he fully takes in the man in front of him, he can see the dark circles under Poe’s eyes. He must have had a nightmare last night while Finn was running around the forest with his unit…

Finn raises his hand to Poe’s face, brushing his fingers through the still growing curls on the pilot’s temple and then moving lower to stroke Poe’s cheek, down along the scar. It still sometimes feels peculiar to see it there…

Poe still hasn't told Finn anything about it, never shared the story behind how he got it. Finn doesn’t ask, he knows Poe will tell him when he’s ready.

Finn’s exploration reaches the corner of Poe’s mouth and the pilot turns a bit so that he can leave a kiss on the other man’s fingertips.

“Oh stars, you’re beautiful,” Finn breathes out, his brain still fuzzy from sleep and Poe smiles like he’s surprised. He raises his own hand to Finn’s and guides their fingers back over the scar.

“Not so much anymore,” he says a bit bitterly.

“I can’t say I agree,” Finn props himself up on his elbow only to leave a lingering kiss over the scar and then collapses back to the bed so they can still be face to face when he speaks next. “I couldn’t stop staring at you every time you visited me in the hospital and I still can’t get enough of you now.”

Poe rests their joined hands between their bodies and intertwines their fingers so that they’re meeting palm to palm. He looks as if he’s stalling a bit, gathering himself before speaking.

“You know, before all that brainwashing business, I did entertain the idea of asking you if you’d like to try to be more than friends…” Poe admits with a chuckle that somehow sounds more sad than playful. “I was so captivated by you, but you are so young and I knew that one day when you get to experience life a little more, you’d get bored of me and move on to someone more _fitting_. But I couldn’t stop thinking that it would be worth it to be yours even for a while.”

Finn doesn’t know what to say to that. His chest feels heavy with Poe’s words. He squeezes the other man’s hand in a silent response.

“Then you helped me come back after the whole First Order debacle and you _stayed._ ” Poe’s voice is full of wonder and disbelief and suddenly Finn just can’t have it this way. Poe _must_ know how important he is to Finn.

“I love you,” Finn says before he fully processes the weight of putting these words between them. But it feels right once he hears them spoken out loud. So he repeats it with more confidence. “I love you, Poe.”

Poe’s breath hitches and he moves closer, leaning his forehead against Finn’s shoulder. Finn takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around the other man in a close embrace.

“I was so kriffing lucky to meet you, how are you real…” Poe murmurs into Finn’s shirt, more to himself than anything else but Finn still manages to make it out. He feels Poe move in his embrace as he changes their position a bit so that he can look into Finn’s eyes once again.

“I love you, too, Finn,” Poe’s voice is simultaneously gentle and full of conviction.

Finn pulls him in for a kiss, his chest feeling as if it’s about to burst with emotions. The slide of their lips is on the verge of sloppy, as if they don’t know if they want to go slower or put more heat into it.

Poe’s comm beeps and at first Finn is so dazed with their kissing that the sound seems far away, unimportant. But then his own comm joins in and they finally withdraw, scrambling for the devices with offended huffs. Poe gets to his first.

“What is it?”

“Where are you? You were supposed to fetch Finn for dinner and get here and it’s been like half an hour,” Jessika’s voice fills the room and a guilty expression falls over Poe’s face. Finn actually giggles at that, imagining their friends waiting in the canteen while they were having a life-changing conversation on their makeshift double-bed.

“Sorry, we–” Poe makes a pause as if trying to make up an excuse but he must be as distracted as Finn feels himself. “We’re on our way,” he simply says eventually and ends the communication.

“We better actually go this time,” Poe says with an embarrassed smile and Finn leans in to leave another quick kiss against it.

“Let’s go,” he grins, wondering how he’s supposed to simply sit through a meal after having heard Poe say that he loves him. Somehow, that’s his new reality. He can’t wait to live in it.

ж

“It’s just a simple extraction, I’ll be with my unit,” Finn repeats. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be back in two days.”

Poe still doesn’t look reassured. Finn knows that nothing would convince him not to worry at this point. They are still at war after all, even if there have been no big fights recently. There are no safe missions.

Finn needs to leave soon and they are both standing by the door. Poe is staring at Finn’s uniform as if it was its fault that he’s going away and Poe has to stay.

“Behave while I’m gone,” Finn says, trying to loosen up the tension a bit, as he pokes the other man in the chest with his finger. Poe smiles.

“I’ll do my best,” he promises playfully but soon his expression turns somber again. “You stay out of trouble, too. Come back to me in one piece, okay?”

“Yes, sir, Commander Dameron,” Finn salutes and the pilot punches him lightly on the chest in response with an exasperated sigh. He doesn’t withdraw his hand though, but grasps at Finn’s uniform and uses it to pull him close for a kiss. Finn goes willingly, putting his own hands at the back of Poe’s neck.

“I love you,” Poe murmurs quietly against his lips. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

"I’ll find my way back to you no matter what, you can’t get rid of me that easily now,” Finn brushes his fingers through Poe’s curls and the pilot leans into the touch. “I love you.”

It still feels a bit surreal, hearing these words and saying them back to Poe. Finn wonders if it’ll ever change. If he’ll ever cease being in awe of the connection between them.

“I really need to go.”

“Come on, I’ll walk you to the hangar,” he takes a step back from Finn’s embrace and turns to open the door. “I need to go to Supplies either way.”

“Supplies?” Finn frowns. He doesn’t recall them needing anything and they just got some new trousers this week.

“Well, my pillow is leaving for a mission, so–”

Finn snorts and elbows Poe’s side. Stars, he’ll miss him, even if it’s just two days.

ж

It’s a quiet evening. Finn has some documents to go through before drills the following day so he doesn’t stay long for their regular dinner hangout with the pilots and Poe decides to retire earlier to their room along with him.

Poe is sitting on the bed leaning against the wall and reading something on his own datapad. Finn has assumed a more horizontal position, spreading across the beds with his head resting against Poe’s stomach. It feels good to just be together and enjoy the closeness while still being occupied with their own affairs. Finn has never felt this kind of content before.

At first, Finn almost misses it, too focused on his own reading. But then it finally registers, in between the paragraphs and Finn turns all of the attention towards it.

Poe is humming.

Finn is so astounded he actually drops his own datapad onto his face. The humming stops and Poe looks down at Finn with concern.

“You okay?”

Finn sits up, staring at Poe with wonder. He grins, simultaneously feeling as if he was about to cry. Poe is still looking at him questioningly but now it has turned more flabbergasted than worried.

“Did something happen?”

“ _Oh yes_ ,” Finn says and leans in to crash his lips against Poe’s with much more enthusiasm than the pilot is ready for but he quickly recovers and returns the kiss.

“I’m not complaining considering the end result but will I ever learn what just happened?” Poe asks Finn when they withdraw after a moment.

“You were humming,” Finn sits back on his heels and Poe’s gaze turns back to confused. “When we started sharing the room, I noticed that sometimes you would hum when you were going about stuff. I think you don’t even know you do it half of the time but I found it sweet so I never said anything, I didn’t want you to stop,” Finn shrugs. Poe’s listening to him with a tender expression on his face now and Finn grabs his hand. “But you did stop. After the amnesia, when you got back… You never did it again. Until today, until _now_ ,” Finn is grinning again. “I’ve been so worried if you’re doing okay after everything, I’ve seen you get better but– but when I heard you humming like that again, it just–”

Poe is the one to initiate the kiss now, rising to close the distance between them.

“Stars, _Finn,_ ” he breathes out against his lips. “You’re making me fall in love with you all over again, if that even makes any sense.”

Finn feels his face burning at hearing the confession but he doesn’t have time to worry about that as Poe is kissing him passionately and it’s a great way to take his mind off of anything else. Poe’s hand grabs the back of his neck and he’s trying to move Finn so that he’s lying down on the bed. Finn is content to follow up until his hip collides with something that’s definitely not their mattress and he blindly palms for it until he identifies one of their abandoned datapads.

“Gimme a second,” Finn says between kisses and Poe groans poutily at the disturbance. “Let me just…”

Finn grabs both of their datapads and puts them on their bedside table, careful not to knock over anything else already on it. Poe follows the movement with his gaze and then suddenly freezes, his eyes stuck on the table’s surface. Finn tries to identify what has taken his boyfriend’s attention away from him and then realizes that Poe’s ring is still there next to the holo-clock. Ever since Finn has taken it off after their last conversation in the interrogation room, the pilot still hasn't returned it to its place around his neck.

After a long moment of stillness, Poe’s gaze turns determined and he reaches for the ring. He grabs it and sits back on the bed, staring at it swinging on its chain. Then he looks up at Finn.

“I want you to have it,” Poe says, pushing the ring closer to Finn. “Well, I have wanted you to have it for a while…” he laughs nervously. “All this time I was just safekeeping it. I was waiting for someone to give this ring to, for someone with whom I’d want to spend my life. Someone my mom would love, too, and would want to welcome into the family.”

Finn still hasn’t reached for the ring, he can’t really move with Poe’s words making it hard to breathe. He swallows around the lump in his throat with difficulty.

“When I saw you back then in the interrogation room wearing it, some part of that version of me was excited to see it on your neck and I didn’t understand because– I didn’t remember that I’ve already imagined giving it to you.”

“Poe, I…”

He doesn’t know what to say so he finally reaches out but he doesn’t take the ring. Finn wraps his hand around Poe’s and guides it over his bowed head. Poe catches on and puts the chain around Finn’s neck, the pilot’s fingers lingering on Finn’s skin once the ring is in place.

“When I put it on back then, it felt wrong to wear it,” Finn admits. “I was desperate, BeeBeeAte gave me the ring and I didn’t know what else we could do to get you back. But now…” He takes the ring and raises it to his lips. “Now it’s an honour.”

Poe looks to the droid, powered down for the night in the corner of the room, and smiles.

“Yeah, I think BeeBee knew about our feelings for each other before we did.”

“You might be right about that,” Finn giggles.

ж

Finn’s drills finish earlier than usually due to a regrettable but fortunately not that dangerous accident. He’s let go from the medcenter after a routine examination and holding only some bruises as a reminder of the event. He decides to use that time to visit Poe in the hangar. It’s been weeks since he started training the new pilots and Finn didn’t have a chance yet to sneak into a lesson with their schedules overlapping all the time.

He decides not to announce his presence at first and starts with some inconspicuous snooping. It’s not hard to locate Poe and the trainees since they’re all on the ground for the time being. They’re all sitting cross-legged in a circle next to Black One with Poe talking to them, consulting the notes on his datapad from time to time.

“Zachary, I like your enthusiasm but next time I call for the third formation on the way back, you do it _on the way back_ , not before reaching the turnaround spot,” Poe is speaking to a dark-haired man who’s looking down at the floor with a guilty expression, looking like a scolded puppy. “You’re lucky Clive was alert and noticed in time to move out of the way. Good call,” Poe nods to a blond man next to Zachary, who’s patting his fellow trainee’s shoulder in a reassuring gesture. Poe takes pity as well. “It’s good your reaction time is this quick, Zachary, in battle fractions of seconds matter. But it’s also important to _process_ your commander’s order first.”

“It won’t happen again, sir,” Zachary promises and Poe gives him an encouraging smile before continuing with his feedback session.

Finn finds himself a strategic place by one of the hangar walls to lean on and listen in without disrupting the training. Poe is focused on the assessment of his trainees, it’s obvious he’s invested in making them the best pilots possible before they have to go against the First Order for real, but at the same time Finn can tell he’s feeling at ease. Here, in the hangar full of x-wings and with the group of trainees looking up to him. Finn has seen Poe get nervous about teaching the trainees at first, still feeling unworthy of that position after the brainwashing. It’s such a relief to see him confident and relaxed, cracking jokes with the other pilots. Something settles in Finn’s chest at the sight that he hasn’t realized was still bothering him until now.

In the end, Finn’s presence is betrayed by BB-8. The droid must have been helping someone else until now and he’s rolling back to Poe as he’s wrapping up the feedback session, but on his way BB-8 notices Finn and beeps his name happily. Poe’s eyes rise from the trainees and he’s clearly looking around for Finn. Well, no use keeping the low profile now.

Finn greets BB-8 who has managed to reach him by now by patting his dome and they approach the group together.

“Hi there,” Finn gives a wave to the trainees. “My drills finished earlier and I thought I’d stop by,” he explains to Poe.

Poe reaches his hand for Finn and when he takes it, the pilot pulls him down so that he would sit next to him on the hangar floor. Finn complies.

“Finn, this is the next batch of best pilots in the Resistance,” Poe introduces the people in front of them, all staring curiously at the newcomer. “Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Finn.”

Finn hears a faint groan of disappointment somewhere from the group and he grins, putting his hand on Poe’s knee. _Of course_ someone here has a crush on their combat flying instructor. Finn really can’t blame them. He does feel a little bit high on the possessiveness that rushes through him, though. It’s a new feeling. He was already ecstatic to be chosen by Poe in general but he has never met anyone who would be jealous of his place in the pilot’s life before.

“Nice to meet you all,” Finn says. “You should totally listen to this guy, he has amazing experience, but don’t let him fool you with the teacher persona, he’s a reckless flyboy like all of you jumping into x-wings,” he can’t stop himself from saying and laughter erupts from the group as an incredulous gasp leaves Poe and then he elbows Finn into the side.

“Unbelievable, you’re not allowed to speak during the lesson, infantryman!” Poe announces and Finn puts up his hands in a yielding gesture. Poe picks up his datapad and looks back to his notes. “Actually, I think I’m done for today. Any questions maybe?”

“How did you two meet?” asks Zachary and Poe huffs in amusement.

“He saved my life.”

“He saved my life.”

They say it almost simultaneously and Finn can only hope that neither Jess, nor Karé, nor Snap find out about this because they’re never going to hear the end of it.

“I needed a pilot,” Finn adds to fill in the silence that falls after that incredulous joint answer. “I found one long-term, it seems.”

The trainees are grinning at them and Finn feels his face heat up.

“So, if there are no _flying-related_ questions, I think we can finish for today.”

The trainees shrug innocently, but no other queries come. The group gets up from the floor and disperses quickly. Finn and Poe start going their own way too, talking about why Finn’s drills finished earlier today. But the moment they are out of the open space of the hangar and they come across a first cranny in the side corridor, Poe grabs Finn’s hand and pulls him into it, pushing Finn against the wall and crashing their lips.

Finn gasps, startled, but quickly relaxes into the kiss.

“What is that for?” Finn asks when Poe’s lips move to his jaw. He’s somehow feeling playful and relaxed instead of anxious about being in public like this.

“I guess I really enjoyed showing you off,” Poe says with a bit of surprise at himself.

“Well, at least one of them was really disappointed to see me there,” Finn points out but can’t manage to hide the smugness in his voice.

Poe looks him in the eyes, grinning.

“Oh, I’m yours, Finn, only yours,” their lips meet again, the kiss turning heated. Finn welcomes Poe’s tongue into his mouth with a muffled groan and then wriggles against the wall as Poe’s leg slides between his thighs.

When Poe pulls back from the kiss, Finn follows his withdrawing mouth greedily. Poe smiles but leaves the distance between them anyway and Finn allows it, seeing the embarrassment in the pilot’s eyes.

“I know we really should have talked about this already but I still wasn’t feeling myself enough in my own head and I didn’t know…” Poe is struggling to put his thoughts into words and Finn moves his hand up from the other man’s shoulder and slides it into the pilot’s hair, brushing through it soothingly. “We never talked whether we want to have sex and I know you’ve been waiting for me to get my shit together…”

“Whatever you want, Poe,” Finn says, his voice steady. “I want you this way as well, I’m not going to lie about that, but it’s not a deal breaker for me. If you don’t want it, it’s not going to change anything for me. I love you and what we have now is more than enough for me.”

Poe’s anxious expression turns into something soft and he leans into Finn’s hand in his hair, taking a deep breath.

“I do want it, Finn,” he confesses. “I finally feel like myself again, I think I’m ready…”

Finn smiles, letting the heat slip into it, and Poe answers with diving back into a kiss. It shouldn’t feel different but it does, knowing what it may lead to. Finn allows himself to rub against Poe’s thigh and the pilot groans against his mouth.

Then something hits Finn lightly in the head and at first he happily ignores it. But then comes the second projectile and he decides to investigate against his every desire at the moment.

He opens his eyes just in time to see another piece of dried fruit flying his way and colliding with Poe’s cheekbone. He turns to look at their attacker and it turns out to be Jess and Rey, standing at the entrance to the side corridor Poe has dragged them into earlier.

“Guys, you literally _have a room,_ ” Jess stares at them with eyebrows raised high in disbelief and Rey giggles by her side.

“I assume you were on your way somewhere, probably very pressing matters?” Poe replies, very clearly asking them to just go on.

“Okay, okay, whatever you’re into,” Jess throws her hands in the air with _what do I know_ gesture and leaves. Rey gives Finn thumbs up and follows her.

“Well, maybe having a sex talk in the middle of the base wasn’t that good of an idea,” Poe mutters and they both try to straighten their clothes at least a bit. Finn snorts.

“Want to go to that room we have?” Finn asks, hoping the girls didn’t completely ruin the mood.

Poe bites his lip, his eyes sparkling in a way Finn hasn’t seen before.

“Oh, yes.”

ж

Usually, Finn eats lunch with his unit and sees Poe later on in the day for dinner with their friends. So, with today being like every other day since he returned to active duty, he doesn’t expect to be nudged in the middle of eating his soup – and almost spilling it – to be asked: “Isn’t that your boyfriend?”

He looks up abruptly and there’s Poe, looking around the canteen and scanning the infantry tables. Poe usually doesn’t even have the lunch break at the same time but there’s no visible distress on the pilot’s face so Finn doesn’t allow the panic at the unexpected visit to settle in.

Finn abandons his soup and gets up and that’s enough to get Poe’s attention. The pilot is grinning and starts almost running towards him. Finn is ready to welcome him in his arms nonetheless. Poe hugs him tightly, shaking with enthusiasm.

“I’m cleared,” he says against Finn’s neck. “I can fly again!”

“I’m so proud of you,” Finn squeezes him hard in the embrace.

It’s been a long road since Poe has first recognized him back down in that cell after weeks of blank stares but they’ve arrived here. Some things will never be the same, some part of Poe will always stay in that TIE-fighter. But they know they can get through anything as long as they’re together.

ж

Finn wasn’t sure how he would react to seeing Poe back in his flight suit. On the one hand, it simply feels right to have Poe wear it, flying _is_ Poe’s second nature. One the other hand, the last time Finn has seen him in orange was the day he left for that damned mission that almost took him away for good. The unease in him is fighting with the excitement that’s been rubbing off on him since Poe got back from the briefing.

Of course, there’s a mission already. Resistance is not going to keep its best pilot on the ground any longer now.

Poe and Snap are leaving at dawn and Finn is there in the hangar with them, too alert for this hour, observing their final preparations for the flight, the chirping of the astromechs loud this early in the morning.

“We gotta leave soon,” Snap says to the other pilot as he climbs into his own ship. Poe nods in acknowledgement, seeming almost distracted.

“Good luck,” Finn says to Snap and the pilot salutes him with a grin.

Poe approaches Finn and for a moment they just look at each other. Finn knows he remembers their goodbye before that fateful mission as well. He makes the first move, reaching his hand to Poe’s face and strokes his cheek along the scar. Poe cups the hand into his own and leaves a kiss inside Finn’s palm.

“Behave while I’m gone,” Poe says, mirroring the words Finn said to him last time their situations were reversed.

“Well, Rey is still here, I can’t promise we won’t get into trouble,” Finn answers and gets a smile out of Poe, as he hoped he would.

“With that at least I know there’s Bodhi to keep an eye on you,” Poe chuckles. “Luke would probably get into trouble with you two.”

“You’re probably right,” Finn laughs along.

They both know they’re stalling.

Poe finally makes a move and closes the distance between them, leaves a long and gentle kiss against Finn’s mouth. Much too soon, Poe withdraws and moves to give him a one last swift kiss against Finn’s temple.

“Come back to me,” Finn says before he can stop himself, watching as Poe walks backwards to Black One, their gaze still locked together.

“I will.”

Finn stays until the ships leave the hangar and then still doesn’t move as the silhouettes of the x-wings disappear into the sky. His hand rises to the ring hanging on his neck and he squeezes it. There’s a trace of anxiety growing in his chest, worry about his lover that he knows will always be there whenever they’re separated. But he knows Poe will come back to him.

They’ll always find each other.

**[the end]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I cannot believe this is actually the end. It's my first Star Wars fic and is now the longest thing I have published on ao3 ever! owo  
> Thank you all for joining me on this journey, especially those who left encouraging kudos and comments! I appreciated every single one of them and they really kept me going <3  
> Special thanks to my betas who had to deal with my bullshit almost every Sunday: [ofermod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofermod/pseuds/ofermod), [kas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kas_delafere/), and [thekasialin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekasialin). You gals are awesome!!!  
> And once again, thank you [chloe](https://twitter.com/clakearts) for the amazing dark!Poe fanarts that inspired me to write this story in the first place :)
> 
> If any of you are into roguejedi, which was only a secondary ship here, then maybe you'll be interested to know that the next fic I will be writing will be about them – a pretend relationship story about Bodhi and Luke going on a mission together after the events of the original trilogy. Not sure when the first chapter will be published but I'm getting on it asap :D
> 
> As always, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hoodedmiho) and [tumblr](http://missmho.tumblr.com/) if you want to scream about beautiful space boys together :D


End file.
